9 books that stayed with me. 6

6. Who moved my cheese - Spencer Johnson

This was the first book that I read in the self-help book category. I was then at a perfect age to read self-help books. When I look back at myself in my teens, I don’t resemble that person even a bit, I have grown up to be so different, part of it definitely is life experiences, people that I met and the self-help books that I read.

Self-help books give you different perspectives on the world around you and how you interact with people, your environment and yourself.  Most of the time, these books are a life's accumulation of knowledge by some pretty brilliant people. But don't take everything in the self-help books to be the ultimate truth. It is just another point of view, a way of thinking. You sure learn things from books but use the perspective you gain cumulatively along with your real-life experiences and experiences of others to shape your core values. It's those core values that will help you be a better person. Books are just one of the various tools, and an important one, in that process. Always stay open and keep learning. If you are an avid reader of self-help books balance your reading across different topics. E.g read about money but also read about the soul, read about productivity but also read about mindfulness. This will help you gain more from each book.

Who moved my cheese is the first book that I read in this genre and so it remains close to my heart. Some of my favorite self-help books are - The power of your subconscious mind, Power of positive thinking, Seven habits of highly effective people, Grow younger live longer, Rich dad poor dad, Tough times never last but tough people do, I am okay you are okay, Eat that frog, How to win friends and influence people, The four agreements, Grit: The power of passion and perseverance, Count your chickens before they hatch, The Happiness Project, Feeling Good, and my most favorite is Essentialism - the pursuit of less.

9 books that stayed with me. 1

1. Batatyachi Chaal - Pu. La. Deshpande

I did my schooling in Marathi medium so the obvious choice of books for me was Marathi. I started reading ‘Chandoba’, ‘Champak’, king queen stories then followed by treasure hunt books like ‘Khajinyacha Shodh’. My reading did not evolve from that phase for a long time.

Then it happened that my eldest brother would read a book in the evenings and laugh out loud. I noticed that the books that he was reading were written by Pu. La. Deshpande. So out of curiosity, I picked up one of his books called ‘Batatyachi Chaal’, to find out why my otherwise serious brother laughed so much.

When I read Batatyachi Chaal it opened a new exciting avenue of books for me. I read all the books by Pu. La. and then by some amazing Marathi writers, Va. Pu. Kale and Suhas Shirwalkar are my favorites.

People Pleaser

It is human nature to want to fit-in, to belong, to be part of the ‘in’ crowd. A lot of you would accept (at least to yourself) that you are people pleasers.

I, amongst many others that I know, do not spend time on pleasing people because

1. I am okay with being disliked,

2. People have these bizarre kinds of expectations and objections. I am sure you have been through situations where you thought that people can have such nonsensical expectations and objections? I will give you one example, I took my own blankets and pillow to someone's house for a sleepover, because I wasn't sure if they would have enough for so many guests coming over to their house. Can you guess what the host gossiped about... that I carried my own blanket, while they should have been happy that I was considerate. I till today laugh at the whole thing... how bizarre can people's objections and observations be... 

Anyway, the point is - it is impossible to please all the people all the time, and some negative people can never be pleased whatever you do and a lot of people lack empathy. We should rather do our own thing and some will be pleased with least some of the times ;-). 

If everyone likes you, then someone is definitely lying to you :) Do not feel the need for anyone’s approval and be undeterred by people’s opinions. Be clear about what you like and dislike, the kind of people you would want to meet and not meet. 

There are so many better things one can do with the time that they have, be it as trivial as taking a nap.…or read/write/paint or be around amazing people/books than to spend time on fulfilling bizarre expectations.

As they say ‘You can not be afraid to not be liked. This fear limits you from being ALL of you’. I just want to live being me and be able to do things according to the circumstances and situations in life without being worried about what people are expecting from me or what are they objecting to. 

I do not have any intention of wasting this short presence on earth thinking about trivial objections, life is so vast, so BIG, there is so much one can do with their time. I feel being a people pleaser restricts us from creating what we want to create and do what we want to do.

Women: 1. The Working Woman

This is the first part of the series.

The working woman

I believe the first most important thing for any woman is free thinking and second most is financial independence! A lot of women claim to want to be independent and then they do not do anything constructive about it. One cannot ever truly be independent until they are financially dependent upon father, brother, husband or son.

Since school days it never crossed my mind if I wanted to work - do boys ever think that way? No! It never crossed my mind that not working was also an option, all conscious efforts were taken in order to be able to work, to be able to earn, to be able to be independent. The girls that I grew up around were also very competitive and none of them ever mentioned that they might or might not work. ALL girls from my school/ college group are working ladies. Some women get a good education in order to find a well-educated husband, that was never the case with me or the girls I grew up around.

I feel even if you are married to a well-to-do man still it is not the matter of whether you 'need' to make a living, it is a matter that you 'should' want to make a living and be able to support all your needs and wants - from buying groceries to owning a house (***there are scenarios where a person can not work - visa issues, health issues and I am not talking about these rare cases here).

Until we are dependent on a man for our well being, no matter how differently we think from him, we would never be able to take a step to make a change. Till we know we can cover the basic necessities ourselves, we will never be able to break the shackles of dependency. Working and earning for ourselves also gives a tremendous boost of confidence - I have seen this in men as well, men who act shy and awkward suddenly walk around with an erect spine as soon as they get a job, same goes for women. Working in the real world also makes one learn and grow as a person.

To be continued...

Skirt: Banana Republic, Tights: Target, Shoes: Naturalizer, Top: Loft, Sweater: Modcloth

Thought of the day

Sleep early. Eat Healthy. Exercise. Travel. Try new activities. Overcome fears. Be patient.

Talk less. Listen more. Live in the present. Don't compare. Don't complain. Don't explain.

Be generous. Work smart. Be green. Be thankful. Look at the positive. Ignore and avoid the negative. AND Shop less. Save more.

Skirt: Banana Republic, Tights: Target, Shoes: Vaneli, Shirt: J Crew, Sweater: Modcloth

Different crazy

I did crazy things in school, junior/ senior college - I slept under the last bench, sometimes I left the class from the back door, went to other colleges with friends instead of attending my own lectures, I don't even remember the crap topics I discussed with friends, I was kicked out of the class many times because I talked non-stop with friends or for playing games like hangman during lectures.

I also never stood up for anything, I had no courage whatsoever - if someone said something nasty to me then I would shed some tears without saying a word to them, or when 13 reasons why happened I kept quiet without going to the authorities or speaking about it to anyone. Today I handle things differently. I am more rebellious and outspoken than the 'good old days'. I am no longer the silently-suffering-sorta-woman. I am more thick-skinned now (probably it is because of more layers of fat than thick skin so to say :-))

If I was meeting with a childhood friend, who hasn't met me in all these years, and they judge me based on my past craziness and keep talking about it - then I wouldn't really like that because it is old news, I am still crazy but in new ways. People still call me crazy when I talk about gender equality or atheism.

If I look back at my past then I do not recognize that disillusioned person anymore, I do not relate to or understand that naive person either. Today I am nothing like what I was then - dumber or wiser is irrelevant here. I see childhood friends meeting and constantly talking about their wacky childhood stories and then some also judge people based on history. People grow up, they change their plans/ opinions/ habits/ behavior.

All I want to say is - do not judge anyone based on their past - I hear Agni Sharma became Valmiki later on.

Don't get me wrong, everyone is still crazy but they are 'different crazy' if you really want to then base your judgment on their new madness!

5 combos from 2015 that did not make it to the blog at that time - 

Reliable

I appreciate a lot of different things in people, one of them is - Reliability.

I feel we need to stand by our promise/commitment. We are as good as our word. And just in case if we are not able to then, we need to inform concerned parties about the change in plans beforehand.  It is good to be considerate and also take accountability for our word. If you ask someone to meet with you at a certain time/day then it is a good habit to make a note of it in your calendar immediately, we can not tell them last minute 'oh you are waiting for me? but I left for shopping'.

I feel it is okay to say NO.  Also for the receiving party, it is easier to hear 'no' than to go through the disappointment and frustration that we will bestow upon them by saying 'yes' and then not showing up. 

Dress: Banana Republic, Jacket: J crew, Shoes: Ellen Tracy, Tights: Target

I am unique...

You think you are beautiful, intelligent, someone with a perfect figure; family; values; principles; skills? Look closely there are a thousand others just like you. You got promoted, came first in an exam, got masters, Ph.D., you think you are the youngest achiever, you traveled the whole world, you been to the moon? Come down my friend, we know many more like you. What do you say? You are special? I don't think so, nothing that you are or do is unparalleled.

Are you too fat, too thin, hurt, going through a divorce, cheated, rejected, failed in an exam, going through cancer? Look around you will find your clones. Why me? It is just me who has to go through all this pain and suffering while life is rosy for everyone else. You are not the only one who is feeling that way. Wake up! Your victim consciousness, shame, embarrassment, shyness, desires, dreams, expectations, aspirations, pain nothing is uncommon.

These females carry off the short skirts high heels so well. I am one of a kind. Huh! Get over with it already. Observe, take a walk on the street, you will find a hundred others wearing glasses, jeans, and sneakers. Oh yes, many more women prefer books to jewelry. Your opinions, perspective, habits, inferiority complex, your strive to be different than the others are nothing but common.

We all go through the same feelings sadness, happiness, jealousy, dejection, fear, love. There is no feeling that you alone have experienced. Is there anything in you or me that nobody else has? Not really, at any given point of time, there are thousands just like us - on this planet and maybe many other planets.

You are a drop of water in this big ocean, just like others. Everyone has to face death, none is immortal. I am not dreaming, I am unique as much as this thought is!!!

(Went overboard with photos today)

Dress: Banana Republic, Tights: DSW, Shoes: Steve Madden, Sweater: J Crew Factory

Feathers in your cap

Happiness can not be dependent on anyone thing or person. I feel your hard work and positivity should not focus on what you want and your mental peace should be independent of the outcome. To be happy is really a decision and not a by-product of activity or possession.

Life is a journey towards your goals and ambitions but they all cannot come true in one month or year! You add them, like feathers in your cap, one by one ... over a lifetime. And by being dependent on outcome one is setting up themselves for an unhappiness journey of a lifetime.   

2 combos with black top: 

Shoes: BareTraps, Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch, Top: banana republic, Scarf: J crew factory

Won't allow

“Everyone who passed through my life has always left something of theirs in me. The memory of a smile, a gesture, a laugh, a word, a kiss. If they hadn’t left anything, it would be because they didn’t exist. Even those who disrespected or hurt me left something in my heart. If anything, they reminded me of what I won’t allow to exist in my life anymore.”

- José Micard Teixeira

Jeans: American Eagle, Shoes: Vaneli, Turtleneck: Banana Republic, Vegan Leather Jacket: Blank NYC

Decisions

I feel there is nothing wrong in staying single or choosing career over love or getting divorced or leaving your job and following your passion or having a kid or multiple kids or leaving your job to be a househusband/ housewife/ stay at home mom or dad, move to a different city or anything else for that matter - if you believe it will make you happy and that is what you want out of your life, then that is exactly what you should do. Life is too short to overthink. The only rule one must follow is - no whining! Make a decision and stick by it. Don't blame or curse the world, or stars and planets if your decisions do not work out. How the next person decides to lead their life should not influence anyone to make that same decision. Do what is right for you, the only thing that matters at the end of the day is happiness and mental peace. 

Pant: American Eagle, Top: Banana Republic, Shoes: Nine West, Jacket: United colors of Benetton

Truly Patriotic

Is 'patriotism' a byproduct of all the wars and battles which had been fought by tribes, clans, cults, religious groups to survive? Is it soon becoming an obsolete emotion? Because this generation is born and brought up in comparatively calmer surroundings (than the world wars and British Raj) and also this generation lives all over the place. We are born in one country, a study in another, work in the third country and then retire in a new country altogether. So which country are we going to be 'patriotic' about? And I do not mean for a sports game, I mean in the time of war.

Is 'patriotism' one of the hurdles in the path to world peace? If there was no patriotism, but only general regard and respect for mankind, no matter where they were born or bred, wouldn't the need to own, capture, secure and protect a manmade boundary disappear? It is wonderful to be proud of one's heritage but if that converts into thinking that we are superior to the other cultures, then it is not really a noble concept.

From what we know Earth could be the only planet with life ... found anywhere nearby or probably found anywhere in the billions of galaxies, it would be great if we are patriotic for the Earth in its entirety and save its environment, life, and beauty!

Skirt: Banana republic, Top: Macys, Tights: DSW, Shoes: Don't remember, but I should have worn something else.

Easy ways to read books...

1. Pick short and easy read - If you are new to reading then start with short stories or a book of your interest which isn't too long. Finishing a book quickly will motivate you to pick up another one, provided you enjoyed your first one. The books I read the fastest are murder mysteries, I don't like suspense.


2. Choose a medium that works for you - Some people prefer e-books while others (like me) prefer a physical book in the hand and an audiobook. Whatever your choice, pick one and carry it with you at all times (or have one available on your phone).


3. Carry a book when you travel/commute - If you use public transport, use that time to get your reading in. I am a big fan of audiobooks and finish at least one audiobook every week during my nasty commute time.


4. Read while you’re waiting - Waiting for a friend who is running late for lunch/coffee, waiting at the doctor's office, waiting for the flight to board, - all good times to read. Audiobooks can be read while commuting, cleaning, cooking or taking care of any chores.


5. Read before you go to bed - This is when I get a maximum physical reading in, right before I sleep. I try and keep aside 30 minutes to get some reading in with the goal of finishing at least one book per month.

2 combos:

Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch, Tee: Loft, Jacket: United colors of Benetton, Shoes: UGG

Skirt: Banana Republic, Top: Banana Republic, Shoes: Joan and David, Scarf: don't remember

Love/Hate

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference! What do you think?

Skirt: Banana Republic

Top: Charter's Club

Sweater: J crew factory

Shoes: Circa

Tights: DSW

Good Friends

Good friends are hard to find, difficult to leave and impossible to forget ...

(Now) Jeans: J crew, Top: Banana Republic, Shoes: Steve Madden

Empty voids

We are all surrounded by chemicals. Our soap, shampoo, perfume, deodorants, house cleaning supplies, dishwasher soap, laundry soap, sometimes water that we drink, air that we breathe, the food that we eat (grown with pesticides/ fertilizers), clothes that we wear (processed with chemicals and dyes), everything is loaded with chemicals and toxins. To add to that we, with our own 'conscious will' decide to indulge in some more toxins like alcohol, drugs, cocktails, chocolates-deserts-ice-creams made with liquid nitrogen, preserved foods.

Humans have these empty voids that they try to fill up with some crazy entertainment (which is mostly consumption - as mentioned above). We have moved away from the natural living big time.

We need to eat clean, simple food, explore variety but keep it simple, respect food. Food gives us energy, it was us, it is us, it repairs us, we are what we eat/drink and what we digest, food is sacred. There is nothing safe in consuming alcohol, drugs or food loaded with chemicals (molecular gastronomy!), even though the argument will be, it is safe in small quantities. We are surrounded by toxins already, we don't need to add more to our body.

Change is required in the way we eat, move, sleep and think...

Dress: Mark and Spencer, Turtleneck: Banana Republic, Shoes: Circa Joan and David, Tights: Target

6 Benefits of Home Cooking

When it comes down to feeding your body, nothing is superior to preparing your food from scratch, with quality ingredients and made with love.  If you have never experienced this phenomenon then try it out for 90 days and see how you feel. Let’s take a look at why preparing your food is a win-win situation for everyone.

1. Saves money
Packaged and prepared meals cost you considerably more than cooking with raw ingredients at home. Preparing meals at home can save you money.

2. Saves time
In the time it takes to drive to a restaurant, place your order, wait for your order, return home and serve the meal,  or even in the time you eat at the restaurant, you could have made a three-course meal from scratch with time to sit and eat too. For those on a busy schedule, prepare half the week’s meals on a Sunday and the other half mid-week, which can allow time for relaxation or beneficial exercise.

3. Less salt and trans fatsPreparing meals at home allows you to control the amount of salt and oils you use in your recipes. This, in turn, reduces the possibility of weight gain and clogged arteries.

4. Balanced mealsTaking the time to plan your weekly menu not only helps to save time and money, but also provides a way to create meals with a balance of protein, carbohydrates and fat, plus all the essential vitamins and minerals needed for the adult and child’s body. When eating balanced meals your body feels satisfied, has fewer cravings and this, in turn, prevents late-night snacking.

5. Hygiene
According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC) 76 million people are poisoned by food each year in the United States. This is caused by food-borne pathogens such as bacteria, viruses, and parasites that can seriously harm you. Forty cents of every U.S dollar spent on food is for a restaurant or prepared foods, which allows for more possibility of consuming cheap foods prepared by inexperienced handlers, posing a greater risk of improper cooking and/or cross-contamination of foods. When preparing meals at home you can better control the temperatures when cooking meats, keep hands and countertops clean and properly wash your raw produce.

6. Weight control
I am not saying this out of my hat- research is saying - that people who eat home-cooked meals tend to be healthier and weigh less than the ones who eat restaurant food often.

2 combos:

Skirt: J crew factory, Top: Tjmaxx, Shoes: Steve madden

Shorts: American Eagle, Top: Banana Republic, Shoes: Aldo

legging

Do’s and Don’ts For Leggings

• Don’t wear leggings as pants since the material can be thin enough that it can show skin or underwear (unless of course, it is on purpose!) - I have seen many women in India do this.


• Do wear leggings under a cute skirt or dress that you would otherwise think is too mini or with a


• pair of shorts. This way you can make it a three-season item.


• Do buy leggings made from thicker fabric and test the stretch with your fingers. These will last longer, and often look better than cheaper leggings made from thinner fabric.


• I have written tips on how to wear leggings here, however, I must mention that I wear leggings very rarely. Not a big fan. I prefer tights and jeggings.

Pant: American Eagle, Shirt: Banana Republic, Shoes: Tommy Hilfiger

Dressed with comfort

Being dressed with comfort is not synonymous with looking unfashionable. Comfort and style should go hand in hand. For me style means being comfortable with what I am wearing when I do not have to fidget with my clothes when I am dressed weather-appropriately, nothing itches or slips or comes in the way of life, the same comfort goes for shoes, hair, makeup, and accessories. You could look effortless but be uncomfortable, you will always find great options within your comfort zone. I also like style that is not too much - not too dressy, well dressed but not all ‘dressed up’ so to say.

Here is a white top with two skirts - 

Skirt: Gap

Top: Tommy Hilfiger

Shoes: Etienne Aigner

Skirt: Banana republic

Top: Tommy Hilfiger

Shoes: Kelly and katie

13 reasons why

Dress (used as a tunic top) - banana republic - Also worn HERE

jacket - j crew

shoes - vaneli

jeans - abercrombie and fitch

My new post '13 reasons why' is available here.