Why do I blog?

I feel one is not required to save the world with their creativity. Also your art doesn't need to be original or important.

I did not create this blog for you - the reader, I did not think 'oh this blog will help people get style ideas', Nope! That wasn't the first thought. I created this blog for me, for my own pleasure because I enjoy styling, taking pictures, editing them, writing posts, it is all enjoyable for me, I do my best considering my time constraints.

If you enjoy what you see and read here then that would definitely make me happy. If you say you got a few ideas because of the pictures then that would make me happy too, and if you say you don't like it and it is useless, even then I will keep posting. Because at the end of the day one must do what they do because they like doing it!

Sweater: Modcloth, Top: Ann Taylor, Jeans: American Eagle, Shoes: Nine West

Women: 5. The Royals

This is the five-part in the series. Part 1. Part 2. Part 3,Part 4.

The Royals

A relative of mine, age 27, has a master degree, got a job three years ago, earns well (most of the software people do), he is very intelligent, soft-spoken, looks great and is a fantastic photographer. He is brought up by a single parent (his mother had to start from scratch when his father left within 2-3 years of marriage), he is not born with a silver spoon.

He is looking for a bride on matrimonial sites and has been rejected over and over again. Reason? Indian girls want this very well settled man who has a house, a car, and a bank balance.

A house in Pune (after just 3 years of a job) is not a joke, especially for people who build everything on their own (he lives with his mother currently). So anyway, I told him to ask the girls the same question - 'Are you well settled? do you have a house, a car, and a bank balance? If not then what makes you think that a boy the same age as yours and with the same number of years of experience as yours will have everything?

Here is my thought - if you want all this then why not earn it yourself, why depend on a man?

I feel this attitude of women is as much wrong as men asking for dowry. I agree that one needs to see that the boy is educated, has a good heart and whatnot but expecting that the man would have bought a house, a car and everything within just a few years of experience is WRONG, especially if you yourself haven't earned that much!

Look at the potential in the boy, would he be able to support and share as much as you (and not just financially but in taking care of household chores too). And then you would be able to build everything together. Do not expect everything to be served on a platter. It is wrong to put men under so much pressure based on (idiotic) gender roles.

Many women expect their husband/father to shower them with presents, like on the occasions of Rakshabandhan, Paadava, Bhaubiz, Diwali, and whatnot, a woman prays the man for her protection and in turn gets a gift, I don't understand these kinds of rituals, I find them very stupid and so I don't follow them. I don't need gifts...I earn them myself. Be capable enough to buy gifts for yourselves, be able to protect yourself! We say we want the equality of the sexes but a certain segment of women in society wish to be treated like royalty by men all the time...

On a side note, some women find these rich husbands and get bogged down by luxuries. Does a day come when they realize that they never took a step to find their own identity and now it is too late?

We, myself included, need to introspect and be the change we want to see in the society. Do not quit your job/business/passion, not for anyone, make your own money, save, enough to cover all your expenses for at least 6 months, for the worst-case scenario, take a break if you want to (men do that too) but work again, treat men equal to you, pay half the bill on your date, open the door for them, don't expect them to spend their hard-earned money on you - be capable of earning and then spending...

Skirt: Modcloth, Tights: Target, Shoes: Steve Madden, Top: Loft, Sweater: Modcloth

Women: 4. The Mom

This is the fourth part of the series. Earlier parts - Part 1. Part 2. Part 3.

The Mom

The ones who leave their jobs to take care of their kids. ***Every case is different, there are situations in some families when the best solution is not to have both parents working full time, in that case, ignore my further comments.

I have a problem with the assumption that only moms have to leave their job for taking care of kids, it could be men too, why not? Only moms go on six-month maternity leave. Why? All companies need to revise their paternity leave policy. It HAS to be equal. From what I hear Microsoft and Amazon do have (about) equal maternity and paternity leaves.

One of the most important things parents strive for is to model for kids the adults we hope they will become. Parents with daughters tell them to work hard in school and strive for a meaningful career. Sons are told the same, the girls who sit beside them in the classroom are their equals in every way. But if you are a housewife then what happens when that does not square with what your kids see at home? When speaking to your daughters about the importance of focusing on a career and striving for professional success, does a credibility gap open up?

You could tell yourself that your kids will be better off cared for only by you, but there is no research that bears that out, and while there are times that intense parental engagement is needed, working parents are able to achieve that, too. It is a myth that only stay-at-home moms take the best care of their kids or have the time to instill the right values. I have seen brilliant achievers even though they have had both their parents working. Although one may think that for any individual woman staying at home might lead to less stress, more happiness, and a better situation for her family, studies confirm that there is more boredom and depression.

When kids go to daycare, they learn social skills and they also get an early start in learning alphabets, being independent, eating with their own hands and whatnot. And the kids of working women develop a respect for the women kind - again my opinion.  Also remember, women working for pay makes it easier for families to live more comfortably. The sooner women realize that they don't need to sacrifice, they can always get help and make the men own up to their share of equal responsibility, the faster our society will progress.

Recently a famous sportsperson Saniya Mirza gave birth and said it to be the biggest achievement of her life. How can it be her biggest achievement?  How many women from India have made it big in sports? Also, have you seen the population of the world? Childbirth is the most natural, common and rampant thing and her calling it the biggest achievement of her life sounds bizarre to me. 

Coming up in the next post 'The Royals', which is an interesting category of women, the extreme cases are called 'golddiggers'. 

To be continued...

Skirt and Sweater: Modcloth, Tights: DSW, Shoes: Steve Madden, Tee: Loft

Women: 1. The Working Woman

This is the first part of the series.

The working woman

I believe the first most important thing for any woman is free thinking and second most is financial independence! A lot of women claim to want to be independent and then they do not do anything constructive about it. One cannot ever truly be independent until they are financially dependent upon father, brother, husband or son.

Since school days it never crossed my mind if I wanted to work - do boys ever think that way? No! It never crossed my mind that not working was also an option, all conscious efforts were taken in order to be able to work, to be able to earn, to be able to be independent. The girls that I grew up around were also very competitive and none of them ever mentioned that they might or might not work. ALL girls from my school/ college group are working ladies. Some women get a good education in order to find a well-educated husband, that was never the case with me or the girls I grew up around.

I feel even if you are married to a well-to-do man still it is not the matter of whether you 'need' to make a living, it is a matter that you 'should' want to make a living and be able to support all your needs and wants - from buying groceries to owning a house (***there are scenarios where a person can not work - visa issues, health issues and I am not talking about these rare cases here).

Until we are dependent on a man for our well being, no matter how differently we think from him, we would never be able to take a step to make a change. Till we know we can cover the basic necessities ourselves, we will never be able to break the shackles of dependency. Working and earning for ourselves also gives a tremendous boost of confidence - I have seen this in men as well, men who act shy and awkward suddenly walk around with an erect spine as soon as they get a job, same goes for women. Working in the real world also makes one learn and grow as a person.

To be continued...

Skirt: Banana Republic, Tights: Target, Shoes: Naturalizer, Top: Loft, Sweater: Modcloth

Bollywood

Cricket and Bollywood are two big things that drive India. I have seen most of the Bollywood movies made right from the 1950s to 2005. It didn’t matter to me if the movie was a flop or hit, I watched it either way. The world of cinema has always mesmerized me. Introduction to Hollywood and world cinema made me realize the depth, flamboyance, and beauty of this art form in a true sense.

Born in a middle-class family, brought up in small villages and towns, lack of understanding of English - I belonged to the majority of Indian population who do not know movies like Matrix, Children of Heaven, Schindler’s List or Elling are being made. Would I have liked or grasped if something like that was shown to me in Hindi? Of course yes!

Getting work in Bollywood if you have some association is a problem with the industry. It is a shame for Indian art and artists to see movies like ‘Desi Boyz’ getting produced just because of connection. The ugly inbreeding of talent leads to creative bankruptcy. Hopefully, movies like ‘Vicky Donor’ are setting a good example. If nepotism continues we will have to settle for the mediocre actors, we will never find the next batch of Amitabh Bachchan, Shahrukh Khan, Sridevi, Juhi or Madhuri Dixit.

‘Keep your brains at home and then watch the movie’, ‘this movie is made for the masses and not the classes’ are the taglines by many Bollywood filmmakers. I don’t understand how to do that. Are they implying they kept their brains at home while making the movie?

Being part of an unknown world that someone has weaved with their vast imagination is fascinating. As a storyteller what is needed is the conviction with which they tell a story. They could be showing something completely illogical, unfathomable, unrealistic; it doesn’t matter as long as the audience is convinced by the concept so much so that for the duration of the film they find it the reality (e.g. ‘Lucia’ - a Malayalam film). As a viewer a lot of Bollywood films leave me unconvinced, an example would be ‘My name is Khan’.

No strong storyline is a problem with many films, a look at ‘Kahaani’ would be a good idea for the makers.

As a woman, I feel embarrassed to see the scarcity of clothes in movies and find the item numbers derogatory for the womankind. I have never known women who wear skimpy vulgar clothes and dance around a thousand drunk men on some item numbers, have you? Maybe the filmmakers have their mothers, sisters, wives working in this kind of a business, how else would one fathom to show women in such light?

Women characters appear in four categories in Bollywood movies - one is the vulgar character mentioned above, second is the subservient character - an example would be Jaya Bhaduri's character in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham -  a pativrata nari - the one who doesn't have her own mind but follows the husband blindly. The third is a damsel in distress - for example, Juhi Chawla in movie Darr, how many of you ladies have had a stalker before? I bet most of you will raise your hand. Stalkers are just a bunch of weird creepy people who are very weak to approach the lady in a dignified manner, they are too scared to get rejected, so how weak are you if you can not confront a weak stalker? Juhi's stalker was an extreme case, but if you notice then all she does is screams... without springing into action even once. And the fourth category is the motherly, caring, nurturing, sacrificing goddesses. Rajshris always show women in this light - look at the main female character in Hum Aapke Hain Kaun - a medical student dancing around the whole time... when does she study? When does she work on her career? And when her sister dies she is ready to get married to her brother in law - who also is her lover's brother - I mean WTF!

The women that at least I have seen around me are Pikus and Bareily ki Barfis. They are bold and I mean they are not roaming around in bikinis, but they are courageous, ambitious, independent, and modern.

I fail to understand the impact of certain ‘stars’ on the junta. Do they really like them or they are not getting anything better? Why do they copy Hollywood movies? Why not just dub the original and release the masterpieces? A new quandary that has hit Bollywood is making remakes of old Hindi films. Why would someone want to remake the classic ‘Umrao Jaan’? What a blasphemy! Where are filmmakers like Shyam Benegal? Where is originality? I hope things improve and we get to watch great cinema in this lifetime.

I might watch movies in 100 other languages but the kind of instant cultural and emotional connection that I feel with Bollywood is unequaled. I long to see the colors, songs, and beatific dances, it gives Bollywood a unique flavor. I complain about the senseless stories; Bollywood stars, their overacting all the time but ironically on a rainy, sick, lonely, depressing day a dose of ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge’ is what I yearn for the most, it cheers me up, makes me feel nostalgic. There is no denying, I am a Bollywood child and hopefully, it will be more nurturing :-)

Dress: Promod, Tights: DSW, Shoes: Vaneli, Sweater: Modcloth, Scarf: Target

Random inputs yet again

• Never take kindness for granted


• Never measure your achievement or goals against someone else's


• Treat others the way you wish to be treated but also - treat others the way they treat you! Ha! That means if someone is disrespectful/hurtful with you then no need to shower them with love and care... move on.


• and when nothing goes your way, there is always an option of changing your path.

Dress: J crew, Sweater: Modcloth, Tights: Target, Shoes: Vaneli