Friday, January 15, 2021

Male Chauvinism

A friend asked me yesterday 'do you hate men?'.

I said I don't. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I love men. They are quite a fascinating species, I am a straight person so I have spent innumerable hours thinking about them. I remember my teenage years when I felt extremely curious about the opposite sex. I don't hate men. But I hate male chauvinism. And it is not just the men who are male chauvinists, many women are male chauvinists too (out of choice/ignorance), they think women are the weaker species and have to stick to duties of the gender roles, be subservient, obedient and sacrificing goddesses.

Men who are male chauvinists are idiots. Women who are male chauvinists are beyond idiots, they are the dumbest creatures I have ever met.

Friday, January 8, 2021

The stubborn one


Do you follow your conviction even if no one agreed with you? Do you have it in you to row against the ride?

If and when I am in a dilemma about life choices I ask my father's opinion - not because he is the man of the house but because he is the wisest man I have ever met. He always tells me the same thing 'ask as many as you want, hear to what they have to say but always do what your head says' - he never ever - even once - said you need to do what the elders or the experienced or the people with (so-called) authority tell you to do.

I was never told to follow

a. Customs - for example, I don't like touching people's feet (Indian custom) - I don't do it,
b. Rituals -  I am an atheist born to fervent believers, my dad never ever asked me to be part of a puja or tried to emotionally blackmail me into visiting temples or read scriptures,
c. Social etiquette - till today my mother asks me 'so and so are coming home - do you want to meet them? if not then go out and enjoy with your friends'.

I am by all means brought up with freedom of choice. And what is interesting is many women around me are brought up the exact same way. This is how today's parents are... and this is how today's daughters are brought up. And when I saw the world outside, it was a shock for me, because that is not how women are expected to be, they are expected to be obedient.

Ladies today don't let anyone walk all over them, they know what they want and what they don't want to do with their own life, they do not give in to people's idiotic expectations and nonsense objections. These kinds of women are then termed as stubborn. There are people who expect that women will behave in a certain, follow gender roles.
Anyhoo, so out of freedom of choice I had to develop an ability to analyze a situation purely on instinct and logic, without getting influenced by external factors or others' opinions. And in all honesty, it is hard to follow what your head says, because many feel they will hurt people in the process, also many feel afraid to take ownership if their decision fails.

I am fascinated by strong-willed/ and so-called stubborn people. Those who have clarity of thought and courage to follow their head (and heart!) no-matter-what the outcome is, for I believe one should only be answerable to their own conscious and be able to make decisions based on what they believe is right rather than living on borrowed thoughts and/or are too lazy to walk against the tide.
...it is a satisfying life when we know we are living on our own terms. That's how I have been brought up and that is how I aspire to continue.

My new video - tv shows I loved part 1


Saturday, January 2, 2021

Not small issues

 

Sometimes I feel women are going through a lot and what I talk about on this blog are all minor issues. Women are treated badly and the examples of women's issues that you will read on this blog are not of those who are not allowed to drive or leave the house without a man by their side. Because let's be honest I don't come from that world. I am an educated person with a master's degree, I work in an IT field, I am a well-read person, I earn for myself, and most importantly I am treated as an equal in each of my relationships since childhood, and now I am at a stage in life where I don't keep the relationships in which I am not treated fair and square :-).

Most of the women that I hang out with belong to the exact same category, in fact, many of them are far more learned than me, some merit students, some earning more than what many men around me do, they are all intellectuals and yet I get to hear stories of misbehavior, gender bias and emotional torture by people - It is sad and disheartening to see this happen.

So yes, the points that I am bringing up are smaller compared to what women in the world are going through and yet I am opting to write about them because I can not sit on my arse and say 'it's okay, women are going through worse and these are just minor things'. These are not. These things are still torturous for women who live in my kind of world. They don't need to go through this hassle and emotional torture.

If you are in pain you will get to hear 'oh people go through worse, they go through cancer, brain tumor, what you are complaining about is nothing compared to that'. Well, people are going through worse but that does not take away the pain that you are experiencing at that moment. Does it? You will get a perspective about your pain but those words do not heal the pain. Similarly, women in the world are going through worse does not mean you have to keep quiet about your pain. As simple as that.

Saturday, December 12, 2020

The outdated rituals in Indian weddings

I attended many weddings in India since childhood, the only thing that I did in them was wearing nice clothes and makeup, changed clothes after every 1 hour and posed for photographs with my cousins. I never ever saw the rituals followed in weddings. It was too late by the time I realized that the rituals are outdated and beyond idiotic. If I had the knowledge of these kinds of rituals earlier then I would have protested outside every marriage hall instead of participating in the weddings. Here are the idiotic rituals which are still followed in weddings -

Kanya Daan – the father “gives” his daughter as a “gift” to the groom by placing the bride’s hand in the groom’s hand.

Who do you think you guys are to ‘Offer’, ‘Receive’, and ‘Bestow’? She isn't a thing or a piece of land or cattle to offer to someone else and who is this person to receive her? Ridiculous is the word that comes to my mind.

Our burden is now your burden is what the girl's family tells the groom's family. REALLY! What century do you guys live in?

Long ago, when the ritual was formed, was Kanya Daan a mere formality or was the ownership of women a fact of life? We don’t know. What we do know for a fact is that the concept of Kanyadaan exists even to this day. It remains not only symbolic of the ownership exercised over women by the male members of her family but also translates to practical life. Women are treated with authority by their birth family as well as by the husband’s family. Many married women are still required to take permission even to step out.

Kanyaadaan ritual needs to stop right away. If you are a single Hindu person then remember to protest against it in your own wedding.

Gruh Pravesh - Many Indian boys and girls live separate/ abroad/ different cities/ houses than the parents and the couple would also be living in a separate house than the groom's family and yet after the wedding rituals are over the groom takes the bride to his parent's house - this is called Gruh Pravesh - the groom's family welcoming the bride to their house. This sets a tone that the woman has now come to their house, now she belongs to their family - untrue - the boy and girl come together and build their own house and family, no one family owns the other person, no one person is going to the other family, it all is equal. Gruh Pravesh ceremonies need to be banned.


Mangalsutra/ Thali - 

Tying of the mangalsutra or thali is done ONLY to the bride. The thread also comes to be linked to the husband’s health and long life.  There is no marriage ritual that prays for the health and long life of the bride. Some women roam around in such ornaments, become Mrs. and take pride in being married, they change their last name to their husband's last name, like how an envelope gets stamped they get stamped too. Men live as Mr. all their life, why are you tagging women as Miss and Mrs. Why do women carry their marital status in their names? as if they are not worthy if you are not married. This is idiotic beyond words.

Changing the last name - 

A crappy old tradition where women are first given the father's name and then they are given (today's women willingly accept) the husband's name. Then later on the child is given the father's name too... Stop this nonsense, stop changing your last name, name your child after you, either his/her middle name or last name needs to be yours. Be the change that you want to see in society, be a catalyst.