Women and Reservations

Is the 30% reservation (in universities/ politics) a favor to women?

It is not.

Right to education, right to inheritance, rights to family name, right to performing the parents’ last rites, right to freedom, public spaces, traveling, right to self-reliance, right to second chances in life, remarriage, parental love, even right to be born have all been reserved for men for centuries. 

Politics, governance, and lawmaking are also reserved for men. 

Women even today, are discouraged from taking their careers too seriously, career for women is seen as an option (and Getting and Staying Married as of the goal). So the playing field is not level.

We need a society where women are valued by their families and that is not possible until they stop being ‘liabilities’ – which is not possible until they are provided equal and fair opportunities. 

Is it stupid to demand equality where physical labor is involved? A lot of women are capable of more stamina than men, but the statistics proving the contrary are larger.

 One should be paid for the amount of work done not for one’s physical strength, because no two men (or women) are equally strong, and a stronger worker may or may not work more.

Equal pay for equal work is fair. Women are generally not paid as much for the same amount of work. Even today it is believed that a man has to support his family so he should be better paid.

If a woman demands equality, she should behave exactly like a male.

Being equal means having an equal right to justice, opportunities, and happiness.

Equality does not mean some people need to behave like other people. And all men (or all women) are not alike either. Equality would mean men and women being able to be themselves – sometimes they might want to do some things that were earlier ‘reserved for men’.

Equality also means men have an equal right to enjoy cooking, caring for family, raising children, crying or dancing. It does not mean they have to behave exactly like women to be treated as equals.

Also, consider, does a Chinese, a Maharashtrian, a Malayali, a Canadian, an Ethiopian or a Goan man behave exactly alike? But everybody is and should be equal in the eyes of the law and society.

My new video blog - Books by Carlo Rovelli

 

Male Chauvinism

A friend asked me yesterday 'do you hate men?'.

I said I don't. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I love men. They are quite a fascinating species, I am a straight person so I have spent innumerable hours thinking about them. I remember my teenage years when I felt extremely curious about the opposite sex. I don't hate men. But I hate male chauvinism. And it is not just the men who are male chauvinists, many women are male chauvinists too (out of choice/ignorance), they think women are the weaker species and have to stick to duties of the gender roles, be subservient, obedient and sacrificing goddesses.

Men who are male chauvinists are idiots. Women who are male chauvinists are beyond idiots, they are the dumbest creatures I have ever met.

The stubborn one

Do you follow your conviction even if no one agreed with you? Do you have it in you to row against the ride?

If and when I am in a dilemma about life choices I ask my father's opinion - not because he is the man of the house but because he is the wisest man I have ever met. He always tells me the same thing 'ask as many as you want, hear to what they have to say but always do what your head says' - he never ever - even once - said you need to do what the elders or the experienced or the people with (so-called) authority tell you to do.

I was never told to follow

a. Customs - for example, I don't like touching people's feet (Indian custom) - I don't do it,
b. Rituals -  I am an atheist born to fervent believers, my dad never ever asked me to be part of a puja or tried to emotionally blackmail me into visiting temples or read scriptures,
c. Social etiquette - till today my mother asks me 'so and so are coming home - do you want to meet them? if not then go out and enjoy with your friends'.

I am by all means brought up with freedom of choice. And what is interesting is many women around me are brought up the exact same way. This is how today's parents are... and this is how today's daughters are brought up. And when I saw the world outside, it was a shock for me, because that is not how women are expected to be, they are expected to be obedient.

Ladies today don't let anyone walk all over them, they know what they want and what they don't want to do with their own life, they do not give in to people's idiotic expectations and nonsense objections. These kinds of women are then termed as stubborn. There are people who expect that women will behave in a certain, follow gender roles.
Anyhoo, so out of freedom of choice I had to develop an ability to analyze a situation purely on instinct and logic, without getting influenced by external factors or others' opinions. And in all honesty, it is hard to follow what your head says, because many feel they will hurt people in the process, also many feel afraid to take ownership if their decision fails.

I am fascinated by strong-willed/ and so-called stubborn people. Those who have clarity of thought and courage to follow their head (and heart!) no-matter-what the outcome is, for I believe one should only be answerable to their own conscious and be able to make decisions based on what they believe is right rather than living on borrowed thoughts and/or are too lazy to walk against the tide.
...it is a satisfying life when we know we are living on our own terms. That's how I have been brought up and that is how I aspire to continue.

My new video - tv shows I loved part 1

Not small issues

 

Sometimes I feel women are going through a lot and what I talk about on this blog are all minor issues. Women are treated badly and the examples of women's issues that you will read on this blog are not of those who are not allowed to drive or leave the house without a man by their side. Because let's be honest I don't come from that world. I am an educated person with a master's degree, I work in an IT field, I am a well-read person, I earn for myself, and most importantly I am treated as an equal in each of my relationships since childhood, and now I am at a stage in life where I don't keep the relationships in which I am not treated fair and square :-).

Most of the women that I hang out with belong to the exact same category, in fact, many of them are far more learned than me, some merit students, some earning more than what many men around me do, they are all intellectuals and yet I get to hear stories of misbehavior, gender bias and emotional torture by people - It is sad and disheartening to see this happen.

So yes, the points that I am bringing up are smaller compared to what women in the world are going through and yet I am opting to write about them because I can not sit on my arse and say 'it's okay, women are going through worse and these are just minor things'. These are not. These things are still torturous for women who live in my kind of world. They don't need to go through this hassle and emotional torture.

If you are in pain you will get to hear 'oh people go through worse, they go through cancer, brain tumor, what you are complaining about is nothing compared to that'. Well, people are going through worse but that does not take away the pain that you are experiencing at that moment. Does it? You will get a perspective about your pain but those words do not heal the pain. Similarly, women in the world are going through worse does not mean you have to keep quiet about your pain. As simple as that.