Diary

In the beginning, my writing was confined in a 100-page diary. I wrote about what I did during the day, what I wore and mostly it was the reflection of all the feelings that I went through. We gaze at ourselves in the mirror once in a while, just like that whenever I get a chance I go through the old pages of my diary, to look for that innocent naive existence of me, it is not lost, I have it preserved - in my diary.

Sometimes an emotion takes over us and then we stop listening to our brain and do what the heart tells us to. That emotion can be anything, love, anger, vengeance or rage. The brain stops functioning logically when the heart starts to rule, and then we start dancing to the tunes of our emotions.

I am a common (wo)man who has experienced the battles between the brain and mind. All of these battles, struggles, fights are witnessed by my diary, and most of the battles end in the diary too. Those white papers have the power to calm me down. Stress at work, at home, my principles or the tangled relationships, thrilling-sad-funny-happy experiences and all sorts of ideas - the diary knows it all.

She bears with my anger and love both with equal poise. She listens. Everyone goes through struggles but she constantly gives me the courage to get up and try again. I am not a quiet person, sometimes I feel I talk way too much and I should let others do some talking too, but with the diary, I speak my innermost feelings. My parents have a big role to play in the kind of person I am today and my diary has a solid part in the kind of person I am not. Because I don't avenge, speak badly, with anger, just because I get to express it to the diary. She is my venting mechanism. Most of the storms relinquish in it.

She also developed a liking for creation in me.

I see the memories of yesterday and the dreams of tomorrow in my diary. She provides me the kind of support I need to be at peace and not just superficially. In real life, I do not abide by the rules of society, and I am the same with my diary... even more so. I have had an inferiority complex ever since I remember but the diary provides me a surge of confidence every time I express myself to her.

There are loads of advantages of writing a diary, even psychiatrists prescribe it to patients going through depression. I highly recommend picking up the habit of writing a journal/ diary, even if it's just 4 lines every day!

9 books that stayed with me. 6

6. Who moved my cheese - Spencer Johnson

This was the first book that I read in the self-help book category. I was then at a perfect age to read self-help books. When I look back at myself in my teens, I don’t resemble that person even a bit, I have grown up to be so different, part of it definitely is life experiences, people that I met and the self-help books that I read.

Self-help books give you different perspectives on the world around you and how you interact with people, your environment and yourself.  Most of the time, these books are a life's accumulation of knowledge by some pretty brilliant people. But don't take everything in the self-help books to be the ultimate truth. It is just another point of view, a way of thinking. You sure learn things from books but use the perspective you gain cumulatively along with your real-life experiences and experiences of others to shape your core values. It's those core values that will help you be a better person. Books are just one of the various tools, and an important one, in that process. Always stay open and keep learning. If you are an avid reader of self-help books balance your reading across different topics. E.g read about money but also read about the soul, read about productivity but also read about mindfulness. This will help you gain more from each book.

Who moved my cheese is the first book that I read in this genre and so it remains close to my heart. Some of my favorite self-help books are - The power of your subconscious mind, Power of positive thinking, Seven habits of highly effective people, Grow younger live longer, Rich dad poor dad, Tough times never last but tough people do, I am okay you are okay, Eat that frog, How to win friends and influence people, The four agreements, Grit: The power of passion and perseverance, Count your chickens before they hatch, The Happiness Project, Feeling Good, and my most favorite is Essentialism - the pursuit of less.

9 books that stayed with me. 4

4. Selfish Gene

As a kid I had innumerable questions for my parents, why is there life? Why does the world exist? What is God? If God created us then who created God? Why do you worship these idols? I did not feel even an ounce of faith and was made to be part of worships, prayers, and whatnot. When I expressed that I do not think that the idols people worship exist or ever existed - I was warned that bad things happen to people who say such things. After hearing that I did not create a scene ever again because I was afraid.

I was afraid that I was the ignorant one and maybe there is truth to what everyone around me believes and follows, whenever something bad happened to me I felt guilty that it happened because I do not believe in God. Fear tactics. It was a frustrating phase for me.

Richard Dawkins is the man who helped me understand that it is perfectly normal to question the existence of a creator. I can not thank him enough for pulling me out of my quandary and feeding me with all that easy to understand knowledge. And I have to thank my brother too who introduced me to books by Dawkins.

Today I am a non-closeted atheist who is not afraid of any fear tactics. People are killed in the name of God/ religion more than any natural calamities.

And then started the phase of reading loads of science books - I read all books by Richard Dawkins and by many more scientists. Brief history of time, Short History of Nearly Everything, Mapping human history, The Sun’s heartbeat, The blind watchmaker, The magic of reality, The ancestor's tale, Universe from nothing: why is there something rather than nothing, Pale blue dot, Demon-haunted world, Physics of the impossible, The elegant universe, Why does the world exist, The god delusion, Death by a black hole, Astrophysics for People in a hurry… are all great books.

9 books that stayed with me. 3

3. Cheaper by the dozen

I was asked in an interview at my first job, which book influenced you the most? And this was the book I said influenced me the most and the weird thing is even after reading so many books from then and now this book still remains the one that has influenced me the most. 

It is a true story of Frank Gilbreth who brought the idea of time management into industries, he was a time and motion expert. He always thought of a more efficient process that can be followed to take care of any given task or chore, be at work or at home. He also brought the idea of parallel tasking in industries.

For example, Gilbreth used to play German language learning cassettes when his youngest kid (who would be 4 at the time) took shower, that would be 15 minutes every day and by the time the kid was 16, he was fluent in German without spending any extra minute over it.

Till today I try to form an efficient process for everything that I do and parallel task all the time. I can not work in an atmosphere where availability is more important than efficiency. 

Anyway, the book is called Cheaper by the dozen because Frank had a dozen kids. Frank was asked in an interview ‘what you do with so much time that you save by doing everything efficiently and faster?’ He said in that time I do things that I like, drink wine and listen to music (and apparently make kids too ;-) ).

If it was not for this book then I would never have been able to do the 100 things that I want to achieve every day.

Lucky Basta**s!

I do not envy anyone, not anymore, not after junior college. I am content with all I have or don't have. I am willing to work hard to accomplish what I want so there is no reason to envy.

But lately, I have started feeling envious of some writers who have the power to express freely.

I want to be a loose cannon when writing, I want to write whatever comes to my mind without thinking twice and I was going to when I started this blog because I never expected anyone would read it :-)

But slowly that changed and now hundreds (I was gonna say millions but that would be the height of exaggeration) following my blog and judging me on the basis of the mere two paragraphs that they read here ... in spite of not having met me in years ... or even worse, have never met me in life but somehow found my blog. Maybe they think I am this deep serious person or probably a vain person spending time on clothes.

This is where I wonder don't other writers/ bloggers ever have such problems? How do they manage to give explicit access to people who might be on their blogs just for gossip and not necessarily the content, or maybe judging them, falling in love or hate with them... and how do the bloggers provide opinions, information without worrying about who will be hurt in the process? How do they write without feeling scared of being misread/ misinterpreted/ misrepresented?

Those are the writers whom I envy.  Lucky Basta**s!

Book Reviews. 2017. 5

Reviews of books that I read in 2017 -

21. Right Ho, Jeeves - P.G. Wodehouse

P. G. Does it again, situational comedy at its best, I am giving it 4 stars as my man Jeeves does not appear in most scenes, I want more of him. I cannot wait to read the next in this series. 4/5.

22. The Best of Me - Nicholas Sparks

Gave up halfway. That says it all.

23. Bridge to Terabithia - Katherine Peterson

This is more like a kid's book (not like Harry Potter which everyone enjoys). 2/5.

24. An unsuitable boy - Karan Johar

Do not like his movies but loved his autobiography. 4/5.

25. The Colossus Rises - Peter Lerangis

I used to volunteer at a library and the colossus rises was a superhit book amongst the school children, I picked it up out of curiosity. After reading it I am wondering if the school children, especially under 10, really understand this book. There are many elements that are hard to understand. It is a 3 book series, the story doesn't end in this part but I am not too keen on reading the next one, I give it 3 stars.


 

People Pleaser

It is human nature to want to fit-in, to belong, to be part of the ‘in’ crowd. A lot of you would accept (at least to yourself) that you are people pleasers.

I, amongst many others that I know, do not spend time on pleasing people because

1. I am okay with being disliked,

2. People have these bizarre kinds of expectations and objections. I am sure you have been through situations where you thought that people can have such nonsensical expectations and objections? I will give you one example, I took my own blankets and pillow to someone's house for a sleepover, because I wasn't sure if they would have enough for so many guests coming over to their house. Can you guess what the host gossiped about... that I carried my own blanket, while they should have been happy that I was considerate. I till today laugh at the whole thing... how bizarre can people's objections and observations be... 

Anyway, the point is - it is impossible to please all the people all the time, and some negative people can never be pleased whatever you do and a lot of people lack empathy. We should rather do our own thing and some will be pleased with least some of the times ;-). 

If everyone likes you, then someone is definitely lying to you :) Do not feel the need for anyone’s approval and be undeterred by people’s opinions. Be clear about what you like and dislike, the kind of people you would want to meet and not meet. 

There are so many better things one can do with the time that they have, be it as trivial as taking a nap.…or read/write/paint or be around amazing people/books than to spend time on fulfilling bizarre expectations.

As they say ‘You can not be afraid to not be liked. This fear limits you from being ALL of you’. I just want to live being me and be able to do things according to the circumstances and situations in life without being worried about what people are expecting from me or what are they objecting to. 

I do not have any intention of wasting this short presence on earth thinking about trivial objections, life is so vast, so BIG, there is so much one can do with their time. I feel being a people pleaser restricts us from creating what we want to create and do what we want to do.

Expectations!

I have the least possible expectations of people. It doesn't mean I have given up on mankind. It only means that I like to give everyone some space to be whoever they want to be and whatever they want to do. It is not easy but not impossible either. Every time I feel a 'grudge' or 'bitterness' growing inside me, for someone failed me or didn't live up to my expectation, I tell myself 'everyone is doing the best they can!', I also like to cut people some slack, for example, if I am visiting someone and they are not welcoming enough or not the perfect hosts then I understand and say 'it's okay, they have kids to take care of and busy, stressful lives to be asking for attention'. I don't whine about it.

There is already so much stress in life, simply to even exist, why add to the drama with unnecessary expectations? The problem arises when people do not realize that they themselves were never up to the mark and express their grudge against you for not living up to their expectations - meaning they would expect a birthday card from you even though they themselves never wished you on your birthday. Lame example. But that is how lame expectations are.

Anyway, I think you get the gist. Before you blame people for not doing something, ask yourself if you had done anything for them, also cut some slack - people go through ups and downs, depression, sickness, newborns, crazy work schedules, various phases and basically people have issues that you don't know about - think from their perspective before you jump to conclusions - give them benefit of doubt. It will give you some peace of mind...

Ban...

Every other year I impose a shopping ban on myself. So I do not shop for even a hairpin in that year (I am obviously not talking about the essentials - such as groceries). The max I have gone with the ban is 3 years straight. I must tell you it is quite challenging because there are temptations all around us. I get to try out many combinations in the ban periods and use everything that I have.

So why the ban? Because I cannot help but cringe over the materialistic world we have formed around us. We are all dwelling in excess. Believing in retail therapy more than believing in ourselves. Why do we feel we need to shop to feel happy? We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like. I am just trying NOT to be that person.

I have always been a big believer in savings. If you give me money, chances are I will straight away put it into my savings, planning for real estate investments. I didn't buy anything in 2018, and 2019 is a ban year too. Anyone interested in trying out the ban?

Shoes: Nine West, Jeans: American Eagle, Top: Ann Taylor, Sweater: J Crew Factory

Book Reviews. 2017. 2

Reviewing books that I read in 2017.

6. Death by black hole - Neil deGrasse Tyson

This book is a collection of essays that Tyson wrote for Natural History magazine over a ten year period, on a variety of subjects related to science and scientific inquiry. Tyson's perspective and his voice always make his books stand out from the crowd. 4/5.

7. Origins: Fourteen Billion Years of cosmic evolution  - Neil deGrasse Tyson

This book covers an enormous period of time, fourteen billion years, and even provides some interesting thoughts concerning the future of our planet and galaxy. The theme of the book is clear, it deals with the origin of the universe, the various types of galaxies, the formation of the clusters, all the types of stars, the origin of the planets and life in general. It concerns itself with vague topics like dark matter and dark energy and black holes, all the mysteries of the universe. 5/5.

8. Astrophysics for People in a hurry - Neil deGrasse Tyson

. The book is for people in a hurry and I am not in a hurry
. Astrophysics is not Sophie Kinsella's book story that can be told in three lines (just being a hypocrite, I read all her books).
. People in a hurry should not make an attempt at astrophysics, to begin with ;-)
. The book left me wanting to know more, high time Tyson writes a book for people at leisure!

3/5.

9. Belles on their toes - Frank B. Gilbreth Jr.

Cheaper by the dozen is one of my most favorite stories of all times so I had to read it's the second part and I was beyond disappointed. 1/5.

10. A little life - Naya Yanagihara

This is a very well rated and a famous book, unfortunately, I did not enjoy it at all, first of all, it is huge and second of all I had to drag myself every day to read it. 1/5.

Dress: don't remember, 15 years old, Shoes: DSW, Jacket: J Crew

Why do I blog?

I feel one is not required to save the world with their creativity. Also your art doesn't need to be original or important.

I did not create this blog for you - the reader, I did not think 'oh this blog will help people get style ideas', Nope! That wasn't the first thought. I created this blog for me, for my own pleasure because I enjoy styling, taking pictures, editing them, writing posts, it is all enjoyable for me, I do my best considering my time constraints.

If you enjoy what you see and read here then that would definitely make me happy. If you say you got a few ideas because of the pictures then that would make me happy too, and if you say you don't like it and it is useless, even then I will keep posting. Because at the end of the day one must do what they do because they like doing it!

Sweater: Modcloth, Top: Ann Taylor, Jeans: American Eagle, Shoes: Nine West

Fashion 1 0 1: Part 11

1. Buy sensibly - from a lot to good. It is better to buy something that you are positive about: something that will match the rest of your wardrobe made well and out of quality materials. Something that will last for many years. It's a smart thing to do for the environment and society. Every year we dump millions of tonnes of clothes and only a small part of them reach the second hand/thrift stores. We spill a massive amount on developing countries, destroying the local and traditional workplaces at clothes making. The largest part goes to garbage dumps where it will decompose for hundreds of years, harming the environment (clothes are not bio-degradable).

This top is 10 years old.

Jeans: American Eagle, Top: Lifestyle (India), Shoes: DSW

Fashion 1 0 1 : Part 10

1. Slow down. Don't let the ads tempt you, don't go browsing the shops. Detox. We're buying too much anyway. If you see a skirt for 4$ think what kind of quality it is - the good quality fabrics that I have bought in this country for sewing an adult size skirt takes at least 6$ a yard - so something that is sold for 4$ is plain bad quality and also think how much was the sewer paid for his/her hard work (as the company is going to keep maximum profit). Next time you buy at sale realize that the company is still making its profit - the sale that you get is by cutting the wages of the sewers. I have thought a lot on this topic and the best solution that I see is - Stop mindless consumption, reuse, recycle, repair and reduce.

Shoes: Nine West, Jeans: American Eagle, Top: Ann Taylor, Scarf: Target

Fashion 1 0 1 : Part 9

I can't stand authoritarian opinions and I dislike selling my point of view. But remember that I am not knocking on your door telling you how to live your life, you have chosen to read this blog where I am expressing my opinions, so continue reading if you feel you need to change or make a difference in this scenario (how much ever little it is), else you can say 'I know how the fashion industry works but I don't care to make a difference', in that case, stop reading now.

Here are the steps that you can take if you care about finding a solution to the fast fashion problem as I do.

The industry works for us and gets rich thanks to us. The consumers are not some statistic, imaginary group: it consists of individuals, of you and me. We let it grow and get strong. So how do we start?

Coming up in the next posts...

Jeans: American Eagle, Shoes: Nine West, Top: H&M

Worthy of love....

Once you truly believe you’re worthy of love, you will never settle for anyone’s second best treatment.

Charles J. Orlando

Jeans: American Eagle

Top: Anthropologie

Shoes: Lifestride

Random Inputs

1. Value your time. Don't confuse being as busy as being productive.


2. Pick your battles. Just because you choose to be quiet doesn't mean you are wrong. It means you are smart enough to save your energy for what matters more.


3. Don't let anyone else decide your self-worth - not social media, not your followers, friends, not your family. You decide your own self-worth.


4. Standing up for what you believe in doesn't always mean going out on a protest march. Simply continuing to live the way you want to is action enough.


5. People will continue to surprise you. Sometimes in a good way and sometimes not. Try and keep an open mind. Even with buffoons.


6. Just because someone is intelligent doesn't mean they will produce quality work and vice versa.


7. No one has it 'all' figured out, no matter how sorted they look. Everyone is just doing the best they can.


8. Let go of the fear of missing out. No one is having more fun than you are. If you are happy where you are, then that's what matters the most.

Jeans: American Eagle

Top: Old Navy

Shoes: Lifestride

What the health: Part 19 - how to stay healthy continued..

This is part 19 of ‘What the health’ series. You can find earlier parts here – part1, part2, part3, part4,  part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8,  part 9, part 10, part 11, part12, part13, part14, part15, part16, part 17, part18

4. Mental health - 

Last but not least is mental health! We are all living a stressful, busy life today, there is no denying or running away from it. Stress affects our physical well being, it can create anxiety, panic attacks, heart palpitations, heart problems, depression, high blood pressure, and whatnot. One is unable to enjoy anything happening around if not mentally happy or stressed. Our body releases a hormone called cortisol when under stress, and high levels of cortisol creates havoc in our system.

We need some peace and quiet, time for ourselves to do something that helps us release the stress -  exercise, yoga, good diet and sleep play a big role in maintaining good mental health and there is more-

1. Have a hobby - read, write, paint, do gardening, cook, it doesn't matter what your hobby is - the important thing is you have one (I would not encourage TV and such as a hobby, creation gives long-lasting happiness and stress release than consumption does). 

The same thing goes for kids - send them to classes, teach them different things - let them build hobbies! They won't do it if you tell them to go and paint or go exercise because... they are watching you! Are my parents engrossed in binge-watching tv shows all day long/ spending time on social media or they are living an active lifestyle? Are they creating or consuming? As they say 'Raise yourself before you raise your kids'.

to be continued...

Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch

Top: J crew factory

Sweater: J crew factory

Shoes: Lifestride

Mint Denims

I love mint-colored denim, the ones that I have are light mint, I feel darker shades look the best.

Denim - J crew

Top - Michael Kors

Shoes - DSW

Colors

Every color has some comrades and a few foes. When the friends are juxtaposed they make each other appear charming. When two enemies are put side by side they don't just make their own manifestation dull but also spoil the appearance of the other. In the case of clothing/ accessories, it is important for the friends to be next to each other, also the look wouldn't appear delightful if it is ruled by just one color. Every item loses it's own identity if you are covered with several other pieces in the same color, for example, faint yellow/ red shoes would look smart if you are wearing a blue dress, both will then have their own intrepid and bold guise (rather than matching yellow shoes with a yellow dress).

The same is applicable for skin tones, every skin tone looks great with a wide range of colors, and some shades do not look so great. For example - red tops look the best on a tad dusky skin tone, for lighter skin, you can modify it a bit (so that it reflects better with your skin tone) - just layer it up with something black or gray - maybe a sweater, scarf, jacket, big necklace, etc. The same thing goes for lipsticks (if you use them). I recommend - try on everything before you buy it. Not being able to test how the color looks on us is one big problem with online shopping (don't go for how it looks on the model).

Top: J crew factory

Denim: Banana Republic

Shoes: Lifestride (non leather)

Strong Women

I HAD to buy this tank top as soon as saw it. The lady on it makes quite a statement.

This one is for the strong women of the world.

May be you know them, may be you are one of them but most definitely raise them (to be strong)....

Denim: Banana Republic

Top: Guess

Denim Jacket: J Crew
Shoes: guess