Women: 3. The Martyr

This is the third part in the series. Earlier parts - Part 1. Part 2.

The Martyr

The Martyr - a woman who thinks people are judging them based on how good a wife/ mother/ daughter/ daughter-in-law/ sister-in-law she is and she cares about the opinions and then tries to be a perfectionist, treats the man of the house as the 'man of the house' who is never asked to (or given an ultimatum to) share his share of responsibilities, she tries to show that she is the best daughter-in-law, mother, and whatnot and then juggles everything and kills herself in the process. 

I am sorry, I have to say this - I pity all those women who take pride in doing a job, taking care of kids, keeping the house spotless, cooking - all on their own.

I respect women who get help, 'ask' men to take care of their share of chores, men have two hands and brains so I bet they can manage to do the dishes, laundry, cooking, and whatnot, it is not rocket science after all.

From what I hear there are crazy men out there who deny to own their share or laugh at men who they see cleaning dishes, I couldn't/wouldn't have survived with such an idiot, I don't know how women do that. But again, being financially independent gives you the flexibility, if you do not want to spend your life with such an idiot then you will always have a choice.

I respect women who do not take pride in sacrificing their dreams and aspirations or do not feel guilty in asking for sharing equal responsibilities.

I would say quit trying to be perfect, it is never going to happen.  As long as you are being yourself and trying your best, it is enough, you do not need to suffice to the expectations defined for the gender role (gender roles are history). Just like all the men in your life, you too have one life and at the end of this, there is no award for being perfect. There is, however, the satisfaction of having lived your life to the fullest, if you accept that you are flawed, just like everyone else and that there is nothing wrong with asking for the fair deal of sharing half responsibilities and speaking up that you will not suffice to gender roles.

To be continued...

Dress: Ann Taylor, Tights: Target, Shoes: Ellen Tracy, Jacket: J crew

Dress also worn here

Women: 1. The Working Woman

This is the first part of the series.

The working woman

I believe the first most important thing for any woman is free thinking and second most is financial independence! A lot of women claim to want to be independent and then they do not do anything constructive about it. One cannot ever truly be independent until they are financially dependent upon father, brother, husband or son.

Since school days it never crossed my mind if I wanted to work - do boys ever think that way? No! It never crossed my mind that not working was also an option, all conscious efforts were taken in order to be able to work, to be able to earn, to be able to be independent. The girls that I grew up around were also very competitive and none of them ever mentioned that they might or might not work. ALL girls from my school/ college group are working ladies. Some women get a good education in order to find a well-educated husband, that was never the case with me or the girls I grew up around.

I feel even if you are married to a well-to-do man still it is not the matter of whether you 'need' to make a living, it is a matter that you 'should' want to make a living and be able to support all your needs and wants - from buying groceries to owning a house (***there are scenarios where a person can not work - visa issues, health issues and I am not talking about these rare cases here).

Until we are dependent on a man for our well being, no matter how differently we think from him, we would never be able to take a step to make a change. Till we know we can cover the basic necessities ourselves, we will never be able to break the shackles of dependency. Working and earning for ourselves also gives a tremendous boost of confidence - I have seen this in men as well, men who act shy and awkward suddenly walk around with an erect spine as soon as they get a job, same goes for women. Working in the real world also makes one learn and grow as a person.

To be continued...

Skirt: Banana Republic, Tights: Target, Shoes: Naturalizer, Top: Loft, Sweater: Modcloth

Feathers in your cap

Happiness can not be dependent on anyone thing or person. I feel your hard work and positivity should not focus on what you want and your mental peace should be independent of the outcome. To be happy is really a decision and not a by-product of activity or possession.

Life is a journey towards your goals and ambitions but they all cannot come true in one month or year! You add them, like feathers in your cap, one by one ... over a lifetime. And by being dependent on outcome one is setting up themselves for an unhappiness journey of a lifetime.   

2 combos with black top: 

Shoes: BareTraps, Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch, Top: banana republic, Scarf: J crew factory

Angela's Ashes

A man dies leaving 9 kids for his wife to take care of, there isn't much money left for them to survive. There is poverty, no food, hardly any clothes to wear, one kid dies because of malnutrition, the wife is devastated. I did not tell you the story of the book, that is the story of my grandmother. We all have heard a similar story, from someone or the other. But here is the thing, my grandmother (Maai as we called her) was no Angela. She took control of the situation, worked in people's houses as a maid, every kid did a little bit something to provide for the family - sewing, cooking, my father worked as a typist.

Here is my problem with Angela's Ashes, I can not identify with people who sit in a corner and blame their horoscope, parents, siblings, government for the troubles they go through. I identify with Maai, the strong characters, who do not complain or whine, they take charge, they take action. And so I disliked the character, Angela, in this book. I like stories of fighters, I identify with them. (But the truth of the matter is we all have been an Angela sometime or the other and many Angelas exist around us).

I started reading this book because everyone I talk to books about has read it, I kept reading it thinking Angela will spring into action now. But 500 pages is quite a wait.

This is a heart-wrenching story of hungry kids and the reason why it works is that the way it is told, it is quite light and bright and unique, I had a smile all throughout the book, no wonder it won the Pulitzer Prize. From what I gather it is not fiction but a memoir.

My rating is 3/5.

Shoes: Vaneli, Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch, Top: Ann Taylor

Won't allow

“Everyone who passed through my life has always left something of theirs in me. The memory of a smile, a gesture, a laugh, a word, a kiss. If they hadn’t left anything, it would be because they didn’t exist. Even those who disrespected or hurt me left something in my heart. If anything, they reminded me of what I won’t allow to exist in my life anymore.”

- José Micard Teixeira

Jeans: American Eagle, Shoes: Vaneli, Turtleneck: Banana Republic, Vegan Leather Jacket: Blank NYC

Easy ways to read books...

1. Pick short and easy read - If you are new to reading then start with short stories or a book of your interest which isn't too long. Finishing a book quickly will motivate you to pick up another one, provided you enjoyed your first one. The books I read the fastest are murder mysteries, I don't like suspense.


2. Choose a medium that works for you - Some people prefer e-books while others (like me) prefer a physical book in the hand and an audiobook. Whatever your choice, pick one and carry it with you at all times (or have one available on your phone).


3. Carry a book when you travel/commute - If you use public transport, use that time to get your reading in. I am a big fan of audiobooks and finish at least one audiobook every week during my nasty commute time.


4. Read while you’re waiting - Waiting for a friend who is running late for lunch/coffee, waiting at the doctor's office, waiting for the flight to board, - all good times to read. Audiobooks can be read while commuting, cleaning, cooking or taking care of any chores.


5. Read before you go to bed - This is when I get a maximum physical reading in, right before I sleep. I try and keep aside 30 minutes to get some reading in with the goal of finishing at least one book per month.

2 combos:

Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch, Tee: Loft, Jacket: United colors of Benetton, Shoes: UGG

Skirt: Banana Republic, Top: Banana Republic, Shoes: Joan and David, Scarf: don't remember

Just...

This is a personal style blog so one may expect that I should be writing about nails, colors, trends, what's in and fashion.

But in all honesty, it is nauseating to read or write about fashion, trends, nails, colors, shoes, designers, blah!  Ironical for someone with a personal style blog to say that? Yeah! it is good to dress well, have some swagger and whatnot, but let's face it, at the end of the day they are just clothes, just shoes. And it is just another day! 

Dress: Calvin Klein (10 years old)

Shoes: Don't Remember (12 years old)

Tights: Target (5 years old)

Scarf: J Crew Factory (4 years old)

Some random thoughts...

• Listen to everyone, but do only what your head says


• Learn to say No! It doesn't make you a bad person


• Pull yourself up than pulling others down


• Never feel guilty of being happy!

Shoes: Ellen Tracy

Tights: target

Dress: Mark and Spencer

Sweater: j crew factory

None of my business...

What other people think of me is none of my business. ~Wayne Dyer

2 combos:

Skirt: Gap, Top: Jones New York, Shoes: Kensie

Skirt : Gap, Top: White House Black Market, Shoes: Steve Madden

Don’t Talk To Me About Your Past

“Please, don’t talk to me about your past. I don’t care who you were or what you did. I don’t want to know who you slept with or who you loved. I don’t need to know who hurt you or disrespected you. Please, don’t tell me about your mistakes or who almost died for your love. I don’t want to know the words you didn’t say out of fear or the ones you said out of anger. I don’t need to know about the gifts that were given to you or the ones that remind you of certain places or people. As a matter of fact, I don’t want to know anything about you. I just want to know you with me. As a matter of fact, I just want you to tell me what it all means to you without telling me the reasons why. Please, don’t show me who you were, but who you are. I want you to create yourself, liberate, love, laugh, expose and be with me who you’ve always wanted to be because only then, I’ll be able to show you who I am instead of who I was and what I did.”

- José Micard Teixeira

Dress: Promod, India Also worn here

Tights: Target,

Shoes: Ellen Tracy

Sweater: J crew Factory

Top: American Eagle

Jeans: American Eagle

Sweater: J crew factory

Shoes: Vaneli

Keep that phone away

I hate it when you are having a conversation with someone and he/she is not even looking at you. This is however in a social scenario, I cannot even imagine this behavior in the professional world and business meetings. When you take out your phone during a conversation with someone it shows :

• Lack of respect. You consider the information on your phone to be more important than the conversation at hand, and you view people outside of the meeting to be more important than those sitting right in front of you.


• Lack of attention. You are unable to stay focused on one thing at a time.


• Lack of listening. You aren’t practicing active listening, so no one around you feels heard.


• Lack of power. You are like a modern-day Pavlovian dog who responds to the whims of others through the buzz of your phone.


• Lack of self-awareness: You don't understand how ridiculous your behavior looks to other people.


• Lack of social awareness: You don't understand how your behavior affects those around you.

Shoes: Steve Madden

Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch

Top: J crew

Sweater: J crew factory

Jeans: American Eagle

Shirt: J crew Factory

Jacket: Gap

Shoes: Dsw

What the health: part 12 - How to lose weight and stay healthycontinued...

This is part 12 of ‘What the health’ series. You can find earlier parts here – part1, part2, part3, part4,  part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8,  part 9, part 10, part 11

2. Diet (1)

When I was little eating out at restaurants was an event, the event probably happened once a year...

Times have changed and we eat at restaurants casually. Most of the social gatherings happen around food and drinks, it has become a social norm... Looking at the kind of schedule today's parents have I am sure the next generation of kids will be saying 'when we were little, eating home-cooked food was an event'.

Our treatment towards our gut has definitely become very casual, to add to that we engage in things like frozen, processed foods, alcohol, coke/Pepsi and whatnot. The wealthier than our wallets get the unhealthier the food choices that we make.

Would it be too much if I said 90% of the health troubles we go through are because of bad diet and unhealthy gut? It is true. A quarter of what we eat keeps us alive and the rest keeps our doctors alive.

We are what we eat and most importantly we are what we digest. Gut health is responsible for so many things - the chemical, hormonal, bacteria balance, for strong immunity, a good emotional/mental balance, healthy skin and feeling of wellbeing. Having a strong digestive system is a key element in losing weight too. People who are depressed or committing suicide have a bad digestive tract and I am not talking out of my ass, it is proven scientifically. Read the book 'Gut: an inside story' to find the details about the research on this topic and more on gut health.

We need to think before we put anything inside our own gut... are we adding value and nutrition to our own body or poison? Our gut is strong but not as strong to take the insults that we perform each day. Do not take your gut for granted and treat it as a garbage can just to sweep the dishes clean.

And PLEASE provide your kids with home-cooked fresh healthy food - healthy does not mean organic and raw food. In their growing years the kids need nutrition, what they consume right now is also defining the kind of food habits they will have in the future and what you give them right now is building or destroying their gut health. A lot of people are under the risk of catching ailments and getting obese at a very young age because since they were kids they were fed restaurant food/ unhealthy/ frozen/ processed foods by ignorant, lazy and irresponsible parents.

Good gut health and exercising habit is the best heritage you can leave for your kids.

to be continued...

Dress: J crew

Sweater: Nordstrom Rack

Tights: DSW

Shoes: Ellen Tracy

What the health: Part 4 - Some more lame excuses -

This is part 4 of 'What the health' series, you can find earlier parts here - part1, part2, part3

Yes! I am determined to cover all lame excuses I have heard (or have used myself)

7. Diets make me hungry.

If your diet is making you hungry, it's not a good diet or even sustainable in the long term. Don't go for any fancy (or trending) diet plans, fancier the name of the diet the crappier that it is - our body needs everything - carbs, proteins, and whatnot - all in moderation, don't cut back on anything. Do watch your portion size and eat healthy, simple food - healthy does NOT mean just organic or raw food.

8. Exercise makes me too tired.

No kidding! That is why they call it a workout! Jokes aside, exercise generates energy. The more energy you have, the more you will get done every day.

I generally workout in the morning but if for some reason I don't, and have to work out in the evening, that is after a long day at work - then I do not feel like moving even a limb. But I still put on my shoes and do what I am supposed to, 5 minutes through the workout I start feeling charged.

You recharge your body through food, sleep, and exercise. Movement creates energy. It gets your heart pumping, blood pumping, cleans out toxins, and gets your engine started. Exercise helps you lose weight, makes your skin glow and gets confidence levels up so you feel better about yourself.

9. I always gain back the weight.

When I decided to lose weight and make changes to my lifestyle there were months in a row I didn't lose even a single pound and there were some months when I put on weight instead of losing. Losing weight isn't a crash course, if you don't see instant results then don't give up, there needs to be patience and most of all continuity (for life).

I told someone to try yoga, she came back to me and said ‘I tried it for 3 whole weeks and didn’t lose even a pound’. Isn’t 3 weeks too less? considering you have taken years to ruin your body?… give it time… Rome wasn't built in one day ... it would be a long journey but it would be worth it. Don't do it to be thin, do it for a better quality of life.

One needs to change their lifestyle for good to lose weight otherwise if you resume unhealthy ways once losing weight then obviously you will be putting on the weight again.

to be continued...

Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch

Shoes: Me too

Shirt: J crew Factory

What the health: Part 3 - Excuses we use for not losing weight(continued)

(part1, part2)

4. I don't have money for a gym or personal trainer

:-)

I have seen people spending loads of money on material things, brands, jewelry, 100 shoes/purses, and whatnot but when it comes to taking care of their own body they say 'it costs too much'.

Here is blunt advice - I would suggest stop buying jewelry - it won't make you look or feel good as much as a fit body would - spend the money on joining a gym. There are so many free options to workout too - go hiking, biking, there are innumerable exercise videos online, play music and dance your heart out, don't forget yoga - you can do it anywhere and anytime.

5. I love food a lot, in general

Great. Who doesn't? But you don't have to eat it all in one meal, do you? People eat in such quantities as if they are coming straight out of a famine and are not going to get next meal on their plate, remember there is always the next time, also remember that food stays in your mouth only for a few seconds and inside your stomach for very long, don’t give in for momentary pleasures, the high of having a fit body is way too long-lasting.

Do not eat according to the health of your wallet! Wealthier that the wallets get unhealthier the food habits become. If I may say so - eat a poor man's diet and by that, I don't mean American poor man's diet - I mean Indian poor man's diet - it is simple and easy to digest.

6. My weight problems are genetic

No, they are not, and I am not saying this - scientific research is. It is just too convenient to blame it on genetics.

To be continued…

Skirt: Ann Taylor (also worn here)

Top: Loft

Shoes: Steve Madden

Repeat!

I have heard this from many people - we get bored with the same clothes. I would get bored too if I didn't wear it in a different way every time.

Take pride in repeating clothes, spark some creativity in repurposing what you already own, buy things that really add value to your closet and don't go for hoarding.

Skirt - Modcloth

Top - Guess

Shoes: Impo

Halter neck tank top: b'tempted

Innerwear!

Buy yourself some decent innerwear. Victoria Secrets is overrated and overpriced, have you tried Soma Intimates yet?

I personally do not like transparent tops/skirts/dresses so I use slips, slips are not for grannies - they will make your clothes flow. Here are some good options - camisole, slip, skirt slip.

Replace your innerwear if it doesn't fit you, has holes, has lost elasticity, they are uncomfortable or don't have the same shape and honestly just replace it if you have used it for more than a year.

Shoes: Blondo

Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch

Top: Loft

Sweater: J crew factory

Wonderstruck

Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch

Top: Old Navy

Jacket: J Crew

Shoes: Kelly and Katie

My new post wonderstruck is available HERE

13 reasons why

Dress (used as a tunic top) - banana republic - Also worn HERE

jacket - j crew

shoes - vaneli

jeans - abercrombie and fitch

My new post '13 reasons why' is available here.

Genome

My new post Genome is available Here

Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch

Shirt: J crew factory

Shoes: Steve Madden

Modern Romance

My new post 'Modern Romance' is available here

Jeans : American Eagle

Stripes top : tjmaxx

Sweater : J crew factory

Shoes : Vaneli

Belt : Target