Hatred

(There are many forms of hatred... some leading up to criminal activities/terrorism... and obviously, I am not talking about such in this post, I can only talk about things that are derived from my own life).

Have you ever heard anyone say "I hate Shahrukh Khan"?.

I feel people who say that are.... very 'lucky'. Why? Because hate is a very strong word and only people who haven't experienced hate can use it so casually.

So what exactly is hate? Is it extreme dislike/ disrespect/ anger/rage - yes all of these are a part of hate but then we always have an option to avoid things that make us upset/ angry/ uncomfortable/ or feel negative, how in the world do we reach that extreme state of hatred?

Let's say, you work under a manager who micromanages/ checks/ controls every single thing that you do, who demeans/ belittles/ disrespects and gossips about you. Have you ever reported to any such manager? No? Lucky Bastard! Because I have! Let's call him Synthol. I had an instant dislike towards Synthol and so did the other team members. My rage reached hatred only because... Synthol held power. I felt helpless/ powerless and I feared losing my job (and my visa) if I rebelled.

Only helplessness, powerlessness, and fear can cause hatred - which is an extreme emotion that can cause immense rage, anger, abhorrence, abomination, mental trauma and intense levels of stress.  Unfortunately, I have experienced hatred a couple of times, I am not ashamed to admit it because hate is a justified reaction for a person tormenting us in the present, either physically or mentally, a person we are at the mercy of and either cannot free ourselves of, or at least believe that we cannot. As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome.

From my experience hate is far stronger than love, it occupies your entire headspace, it affects your sleep, health, mood, and everything in a bad way. People are wrong when they say love and hate are the sides of the same coin... they are not... they are different coins altogether.  I might have parted ways with people I loved but I have never hated them... not even in my wildest dreams... love, for some reason, stays intact. I have only hated things that I disliked, to begin with... but had no option to free myself from... or so I thought.

Just so you know I HAD NO COMPULSION TO HARM, ANYONE, BECAUSE OF MY FEELINGS OF HATRED, but there are people who do...Hatred is a dangerous curse, it can poison an organism, it is bad for our own health, peace of mind, and general wellbeing and in many cases, it leads to hurting others.

You will get to hear from people that 'we need to free ourselves of hatred as quickly as we can and for that forgive the tormentor, have some compassion, think about where does his behavior arise from....'. Have you heard that before? It's a great speech! But it is...garbage.

Religion and morality constantly prize forgiveness and suppressing our feelings as a virtue. What kind of person would I be if I could not react, temporarily at least, to injustice, presumption, evil, or arrogant idiocy with feelings of anger or rage? Would that not be an amputation of my emotional life?

I have learned to understand my feelings rather than condemn them, to regard them as friends and protectors instead of fearing them as something alien that needs to be fought against. Though our parents or teachers may have taught us to practice such self-amputation, I think we must ultimately realize that it is in fact very dangerous.

I recently read it in an article that no teacher will beat the children entrusted to his care unless he himself was beaten as a child and forced to learn to suppress his anger. He will take it out on the children in the class without knowing why he does so. I believe that awareness of this fact could save many children from exposure to such brutality. It is not our feelings that make us a danger to ourselves and our environment, it is the dissociation of those feelings caused by our fear of them.

If we hate some characteristics... let's say...hypocrisy, insincerity, male chauvinism, mendacity or anything for that matter, then we grant ourselves the right to fight them wherever we can, or to withdraw from people who show those traits. But if we pretend that we are impervious to these things, then we are betraying ourselves.

Hatred or for that matter any emotion that we go through - sadness, fear, depression, anger or anything is a logical consequence of what happened to us... it tries to tell us something about the injuries we have been subjected to, and also about ourselves, our values, our specific sensitivity. We must learn to pay heed to it and understand the message it conveys. If we can do that, we no longer need to fear hatred. I feel it is important to ask yourself whom your hatred is directed at, and recognize why it is in fact justified? Then we have a chance of living responsibly with our feelings.

Any uncomfortable emotion is trying to convey to us that something needs to change, and for that, we need to take action. In all my hatred scenarios the person did not hold any power over me, but I thought they did, it was all in my head... so what if I hated my manager?  I could have changed jobs any day and in other cases, I had the option to burn the bridges and move on but I lingered on trying to save relationships and trying to save people around me from being hurt and all that crap. I was the kind of person, who didn't want to say anything even if I experienced bad behavior, I shed tears. I no longer do that. If I ever feel suffocated with a person/ place/ object I move away from it before it turns into hatred or fear... but here is the thing, I don't forgive tormentor/ bad behavior/ cruelty with or around me, evil or bad behavior cannot be forgiven, otherwise, it prevails, now I confront people, I tell them how bad their behavior has been.

Hatred fades away with time... but the way to deal with it when one is actually subjected to it is by accepting that what you are experiencing is that feeling, and take action, make a change, confront the tormentors, you are helpless only if you believe you are...you are powerless - only if you think you are.

There are many stages in my life that I consider as 'growing up' experiences, but every time I had to take an action or make a change in my life to fix an unpleasant emotion that I was going through...are what I consider my metamorphosis... it built inner strength... because I had to push all that weight to the corner. Nothing holds power over me anymore...

So the thought of the day is: Bite your tongue next time when you say I hate Shahrukh Khan because you are not at a gunpoint to watch his movies.... you always have options.

Hatred is a feeling, albeit a very strong and assertive one, I must tell you that it is the WORST feeling that I have experienced so far. I do not want to experience hate again...ever in my life, it is a very nasty feeling and nothing in the world is worth going through it...but don't fight the feeling, fight the cause of it... head-on.

Dawkins

Since I was little I asked many questions like why is there any existence, you know life, stars, planets, universe. What is the purpose of existence? Is there even a purpose? And How does it make a difference because there is something, what if there was nothing?

 

Why do people worship these idols? How come a figure with a human body and an elephant head is a known god in the East and the West has no idea about it, if they are gods then how come they didn’t make themselves known throughout the universe? 

 

When I asked people 'if God made us then what made god', they looked at me as if I was an idiot. They told me that the creator created itself. And I wondered If something can create itself out of nothing then maybe there is a possibility that the universe could have created itself out of nothing, it is its own creator.

In my teenage years, I felt a disconnect with the world. Temples, churches, mosques, god, rituals, religions, prayers... I did not understand its necessity. And to be honest with you I felt inferior.  I felt as if I am one of these lowly creatures as I lacked the most important thing that drives the world - faith. I lacked faith and I still do. While believing strongly, without evidence, is considered a mark of madness or stupidity in any other area of our lives, faith in God still holds immense prestige in our society. Religion is the one area of our discourse where it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about. 

(before I continue here is the definition of faith - Any belief that is devoid of logic, reason, rational, evidence or witness - is called faith.)

My teenage years were a frustrating phase for me as I was forced to take part in rituals and customs that I didn’t believe in and sadly I had no courage to speak about my lack of faith.

When I was around 19-20 one of my older brother introduced me to books by Richard Dawkins, When I read them it dawned on me that I wasn’t abnormal, but it is quite normal to wonder and ponder over the various aspects of existence and moreover to question the thousands of years old belief system. Then there was no looking back for me, I read all his books, and by many other scientists. Even though we learn science in school/ college I feel I started learning science and became interested in science in its true sense when I started reading books by Dawkins. reading books related to science (and not just textbooks) makes one realize the pettiness of religions, gods, wars and all that crap.

Yes, I am an atheist, I have no religion. Did Dawkins turn me into an atheist? No! I always was a non-believer. The only difference is now I admit it openly. And I feel atheism is a person’s default state. Every single person is born an atheist, every baby you meet is a non-believer, it has no clue whatsoever about the concept of god, if it is born in Arkansas then it is taught or pressurized to believe in one thing and if it is born in Kabul then it is taught or pressurized to believe in another thing. 

Humans are the only animals with imagination, on planet Earth and the godly figures were born thousands of years ago through people’s imagination, through the stories that they told. I do not think that God created man but I believe that it is the man who created God. 

So there is a possibility that thousands of years from now people might think that Harry Potter really happened. Maybe they will build temples of Harry Potter and burn Voldemort's effigy once every year like they currently do with Ravana. 

I feel in awe of this technologically advanced world. There is so much intelligence around, I feel honored to even have coexisted the Earth with people like Dawkins and Hawking, but then I also see these overzealous, religious people who believe, follow and fight over thousands of years old traditions/scriptures/customs/rituals/gods and superstitions… Thousands of years ago humans were so primitive… all they could do was imagine and tell stories. and it really is perplexing for me to see that we still follow the customs/ rituals/ scriptures/ traditions/ superstitions/religions and gods created by these primitive people.

Don’t get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for people who are religious and so-called spiritual and in spite of that they are good humans.

I do believe that science will one day conquer all the ignorance in the world. It might not happen in our lifetime but all gods will die off one by one as their relevance outlive our evolving intellect.

 

I am sure I wasn’t the only kid who went through a frustrating phase, there are many more out there. All I can say is Encourage your kids to ask why, let them follow logic over thousands of years old beliefs, rather than trying to mold them let them just blossom, and make them learn science in its true sense.

 

And here are some great books by Richard Dawkins that I highly recommend.

 

The Selfish Gene, The God Delusion, The Blind Watchmaker, The Greatest Show on Earth, Ancestor's Tale and one of my favorite is 'the magic of reality'.

 

Random thoughts again

 As the area of our knowledge grows so does our perimeter of our ignorance 

What’s bad for our ego is good for science 

If you are not actively dismantling patriarchy then you are factually benefiting from it. 

Updating just our wardrobe does not make us modern. Our ideology needs to catch up with our technology too. 

 Anybody that does not see how phenomenal and beautiful you are and that does not value the fullness of you as you are essentially does not deserve to share space and time with you. 

Drawn in by my smile but repelled by my boldness

New video - Gotra system the complex science

 

Random thoughts

The only common factor between all your failed relationships is you.

Quality means rethinking, reworking and polishing.

I miss a lot of people, but remember just a few. 

I remember what they do, what they like, where they went to school, what they said, their opinions, when are their special days. 

Missing people is easy, remembering takes an effort. I guess I love those more who I remember. 

It is always the small actions that say more than what big words do. 

Stillness is often recommended in the form of pranayama and meditation, sit, lie on the floor and go into nothingness.

Stillness for me is not about focusing on nothingness, it is about creating a clearing and opening up an emotionally clutter free space and allowing myself to feel, dream, think and question. 

Mid life crisis - I feel it it not crisis but unraveling. A time when you feel a strong pull to live the life that you want to live than what you are supposed to live. It is a time when you are challenged by the universe to let go what you are supposed to be but embrace what you are.

Worried about…

 I am worried that people don’t talk anymore, forwards and emojis do not count for a communication or conversation.

I worry that people do not ask why, they follow beliefs superstitions faiths traditions without ever asking why.

I worry that people who sing and dance well are rich and famous and people who think well die poor.

I am worried about stupid , it is all around us.

I worry that we glorify stupid on tv shows, we watch shows like big boss and people’s stupidity entertains us. Shouldn’t it be something intelligent that entertains us? 

I worry that we as a society will make dumber and dumber decisions and there won’t be anyone to recognize these bad decisions or say anything about them

Sound of silence

 

Kabhi kisiko mukamal

One of my favorite ghazal and it’s meaning -

 kabhii kisii ko mukammal jahaa.N nahii.n milataa

kahii.n zamiin to kahii.n aasamaan nahii.n milataa

No one ever gets the entire universe 
Somewhere the earth and somewhere the sky is missing  

jise bhii dekhiye vo apane aap me.n gum hai
jubaa.N milii hai magar hamajubaa.N nahii.n milataa  

Whoever you see is lost in their own sorrow 
They have thoughts to share but no companion to listen  

bujhaa sakaa hai bhalaa kaun vaqt ke shole
ye aisii aag hai jisame dhuaa.N nahii.n milataa  

Who is able to douse the embers of time 
This is a fire that has no smoke  

tere jahaa.N me.n aisaa nahii.n ki pyaar na ho
jahaa.N ummiid ho isakii vahaa.N nahii.n milataa

It's not like there's no love in your life (universe) 
Where you hope for it you won't find it there

~~Nida Fazli

Tv shows I loved part 4

 

Don’t procrastinate

Start exercising today, don't wait until everything is just right, things are never just right. Start and put things right as you go.

The in-laws problem!

 

Birth Right

What perplexes me the most is what holds women back from conveying our point of view? Why do we complain about 'unfair treatment' but never make an effort to achieve equality in every relationship?

Is financial independence required to gather courage? Is it even valid to say I earn so treat me as an equal? It is the birthright of every individual of all genders, races, and castes to be treated square.

3 in Science

One fine day something happened out of nowhere. That something created everything, it is the reason why we exist. I am talking about the big bang.

 

Was there space before the big bang? Or then the big bang created the space? What exactly is space? Why is it there? What is the shape of the universe? Did it exist at one point of time and then something went wrong, everything collapsed and then the big bang happened again? 

 

Are there multiple universes? And why not, if it could happen here then it might have happened somewhere else. 

 

What if none of this had happened or existed ever? how does it make a difference because there is something? What is the purpose of existence?

 

It is frustrating as humans have so-called 'intelligence' factor, so they want to have a purpose to everything. It is beyond us why would there be something without any goal, aim, purpose or ambition. Also, it bothers us that there is a creation that has no creator, so we want to believe in a creator. Well, that fixes us in an endless loop of what created a creator with conscious?

 

Would there ever be a time when scientists get closer to the answers? Maybe a billion years from now? Would humans even live that long to find out? 

 

Reading books related to science genre doesn't answer many of the questions that I have, in fact, many times it leads to having more questions than before. But I would rather die happily with unanswered questions than living a life with no questions or wonder or curiosity about existence. I would also rather read science to gain answers to my questions rather than visiting self-proclaimed enlightened masters who say they know the cosmic truth. Whatever that means. It will take me another post if I start talking about them so I will stick to the topic which is the top 3 books that I highly recommend in the science genre. 

 

1. The Sun’s Heartbeat Bob Berman

 

The Sun will die one day, just like all the other stars do. Ever wonder what will happen when our Sun dies killing everything surrounding it and leaving the beautiful intelligent life that resides in this galaxy go extinct? Would the future 'aliens' ever know that there once lived a Sun that gave birth to such stupendous life forms who invented such extraordinary things like the social media :-) Or the knowledge of all our inventions will die with us?

 

Our hearts beat because the Sun's heartbeat is still intact. Maybe we will die before the Sun does, because of global warming, wars, population, pollution, maybe an asteroid hits the Earth or maybe we will kill each other before the Sun does in a dispute over the name of 'The Creator', in that case, we can't blame it on the Sun.

 

The book is about everything one would want to know about our life-giver and the Author's sense of humor makes it an excellent read.

 

2. A short history of nearly everything - by Bill Bryson

 

While reading each and every chapter I felt as if I am actually witnessing it. For example, while reading the first chapter I thought I am actually watching the birth of the universe and then in the next chapter I was sitting on Pluto and watching everything in the universe pass by…

 

The book is fast-paced. It covers everything from the universe, cells, chemistry, dinosaurs, birds, evolution, volcanoes and a lot more... 

 

3. Physics of the impossible

 

Adjoining is a picture taken by Hubble telescope. It shows thousands of galaxies that surround us. Each one having millions of stars and planets. There is a high probability that there is life somewhere in those 100+ billion galaxies. Is there anyone living far away who evolved as we did? Since Earth is a newborn compared to other galaxies is it possible that the life existing there is much more advanced and have also figured out the radio frequencies, space travel and what not? 

Would it ever be possible to contact them? 

 

There were so many things tagged as impossible a century ago, such as man on the moon. There are many we still tag as impossible such as space travel and tele-transportation. 

Ironically the word impossible itself says I am possible ;-).

 

The famous theoretical physicist Michio Kaku talks about these impossible things and how far scientists are in cracking the code in his book 'Physics of the impossible'.

 

Do you think a billion years from now humans will be hopping from planet to planet, populating (and polluting) everywhere around? One can only wonder or then read what these brilliant minds have to say!

 

 

Stranger Anxiety?

I do not have an ounce of stranger anxiety. When I am at parties/ around new people - on most occasions I end up talking to everyone around and often get asked: "Do you know them?"

And I wonder why would I want to know someone to talk to them? To think of it, for me, it is the other way round... I can easily talk to people I don't know but if I am not talking to someone means I know them too well :-)

I think you get the gist ;-)

Great songs

 When you lose someone and you know you are never going to get them back

When you know you are going to spend the rest of your life walking around with a hole in your heart 

Asking yourself do I even wanna be here

That’s the kind of pain great songs are made of

Quit like a woman...

 

Pain and Pleasure

I feel anything that we want to achieve depends on what we associate pain and pleasure with. What do you do to get pleasure, to feel good?

Let's take an example, there is a group of people who want to achieve health and weight loss but the success of that will depend on what they think pain or pleasure is. Some of them will say 'to feel good I watch TV, I eat, drink alcohol, go to parties and for some, the very same things would be painful, they will say 'to feel good we go to the gym, hiking, biking, do social service, we create, we learn, dance, sing...'.

Not hard to figure out who amongst them will lose weight and achieve health easily so I guess the easy way to achieve goals is how to take the steps to achieve things pleasurable.

Some Thoughts

 

1. I don't know what people think of or regret when they are on a deathbed but I am pretty sure that they do not say 'oh I wish I had spent more time at the office' or 'I wish I had bought a bigger house'. My guess is their only thoughts are of the loved ones and wanting more time with them and/or not having done what they were passionate about.




2. I like pulled more than pushed... meaning... I don't do or like doing things when I am pushed to do them, I do and enjoy doing things when I feel pulled towards them. Boy, I am glad that we are not pushed by the air to stay on the ground but are pulled by gravity.




3. If perfection is what I was looking for then I wouldn't have started this blog, it is miles away from being perfect. But here is the thing 'a plan executed imperfectly now is better than a plan executed meticulously never', there is no perfect time in the future, all we have is now. Stop calling it a dream and start calling it a plan.

Books By Brian Greene

 

Gossip...

 The more you listen to gossip, take part in gossip, accept gossip, the more you tune your ear to that frequency and start finding your highs in the lows of others.

That desire to hear and talk about the faults of others stems from a vacancy in the heart that we try to fill in any way possible. 

Gossip is like junk food, temporary satisfaction with no real nourishment. 

When you mean no...

When you say you are going to call, Call.

When you say you are going to turn up, Turn up. 

When you say you will get it done, Get it done. 

Trust is built in small actions.

When you consistently break your promises, people start to question the integrity in your words. They trust you less and feel that they can not rely on you.

 Say yes when you mean yes, and no when you mean no. 

The best man

 

I could write a whole book on my father, baba as I call him, so I am finding it hard to confine it to a blog post. I am trying my best to keep it short.

He was one of the eight kids in a poor family who lived in a small village. My grandfather died when my dad was still in school. My grandmother worked as a maid in people's houses. Baba worked as a typist at a lawyer's office during his college days and then got a job in a bank after his graduation. He had just one shirt and pant to wear that he would wash in the evening and wear the same thing next day. He never wears his clothes without ironing them.

He always told me that never be dressed up but always be well dressed (poshakh kara pan poshakhi nasa), I never wear clothes without ironing them too. He bought most of my clothes when I was in school/ college. He has a great choice in clothes. He remains the most well dressed man that at least I have seen. Simple and tidy with well done hair and always clean shaved.

There are a lot of great things about him. The first and foremost that I can think of is the zest and enthusiasm with which he lived his life. He had passion to do every other thing. He made huge and beautiful rangolis in our front yard on the occasion on diwali, he has done innumerable superb embroidery pieces, he played excellent badminton/ table tennis/ chess and carrom, he solved Rubik's cube within seconds, he loved solving puzzles and crosswords. He played instruments like banjolele and harmonium. He read a lot, not anything and everything but just the quality, he always had a book that he was reading. He loved movies, old hindi songs and sung beautifully. He loved perfumes (attar) and collected many. He has a diploma in homeopathy and practiced it for many years.

He exercised every single day and had one of these sculpted bodies, he is still not bad considering his old age.

When he came home from work he taught me English and Math, then fed me, massaged my head with oil each night and put me to bed. He stayed by my bedside in each of my sickness. He did almost all household chores except actual cooking. I find it weird when people tell me that their dads never helped out. I did not know there is such thing as gender bias or duties based on gender roles until I saw the outside world.

He treats my mother with utmost respect and love. I have never ever seen them quarrel, hard to believe but it is true. I find it weird when I see men disrespecting women.

He never told what I should be doing and not doing, what I should wear and not wear or who I should be meeting or not meeting. I can not survive in environments where I am told what needs to be done. Freedom of choice is the best gift I got from him or rather from both my parents. He always told me 'aikave janache karave manache' - hear what people have to say but do what your heart says and he also gave me the liberty to follow it.

He also said so many other beautiful philosophical things that I could write a booklet on it, he did not just say them but always followed it with his actions. He is a strong believer but he never ever forced me to be one. People find it weird that I am an atheist born to fervent believers. Again, freedom of choice.

If I had to ever ask for anyone's advice or would happily listen to one then it would be his, but again he would say the same, do what 'you' want to do, make mistakes learn from them, never regret, this by the way also shows immense amount of trust in the child.

People say he talks less, but he talked a lot at home with my mother and us kids. But here is one interesting thing about him, he never ever said a single bad word about anyone or anything to anyone. Never. Not even with my mother. He always said people who talk about people are third grade people (he used a Sanskrit phrase for it and I don't remember it now). One time when I asked him why he didn't tell me a certain important thing about my family history, he said because it is history, is it impacting you in any way in the present?. This is how he always has been, engrossed in activities, doing intellectual things and being positive and spiritual (in it's true sense).

On a side note, I have six aunts and one uncle and one commonality amongst all Mahabals that I have observed over the years is no one talks about each other or any other person, unless they have something good to say like 'oh so and so sings so well', apart from that no one talks about people. Period. They play, laugh, talk non stop but about events and happenings. And the same trait has perforated in the next generation and I hope the Mahabal gene takes over and remains dominant in this area for generations to come.

Baba could sleep anywhere, eat anything, sometimes he would finish his dinner and then the mother would find out that she forgot to put salt in the sabji, but he didn't complain. What's the big deal, he said. I have never seen Baba complain about a single thing in life and he has been through hell, and yet not a single word about it. I wish he never had to go through hell, but then shit happens, he has accepted it graciously, I haven't. Because I feel bad things happen to good people while the bad ones keep on living heartily, unfair. All I can say is Karma is a flop concept.

He is one gem of a person who might not have given us a huge house to live in but our small house was and is always filled with positivity, enthusiasm, creativity, simplicity, activity, freedom, love, support and respect. He is an ideal example of 'simple living high thinking'. If I had to select the best man that I met in my life then by far it is Baba.

If I live to be even half of the person that Baba is then I will consider my life a success story...

Carl Sagan

 

A couple announced to a group of people present at their house that they were expecting their first child. Everyone was happy but one man in the group said 'I checked your horoscope with my astrologer and he told me there is NO chance until next year'.

 

There are millions of people like the man in this scene who are satisfying their curiosities and spreading ignorance. The couple was obviously stressed during all the months of pregnancy thinking 'what if the astrologer was right'. Well, they have healthy kids now and they produced them without checking with any astrologer. 

 

I wonder how can anyone predict sperm count, suitable conditions of the womb and free time that the couple was going to find to make babies! How can the faraway planets play a role in anything? It is quite pompous of humans to think that the planets are aware of our individual existence and have nothing better to do than to affect our futures.

 

It is funny that a lot of people refer to astrology as Science. Astrology is not a science, its an art. Art of selling dreams. Everyone needs emotional support and astrologers take advantage of it. They just not sell dreams, but they make people emotionally and intellectually handicap. People start relying on astrologers on almost everything. For marriage, business transactions, the birth of children, names of their babies and everything under the sky. Unfortunately, astrology is more popular in India than astronomy.

 

A few years back a lady on a road asked me to give her money when I denied she said 'My goddess will curse you, bad things will happen to you'. I found it ironical, if there was a goddess cursing or blessing someone and this lady had control over the goddess then why was she herself begging on the road? I left the scene but from a distance, I could see many people giving her money. Reason? Simple - Fear of unknown. 

 

Every single person is scared of the unknown, be it the future, entering a dark room or the reason for our existence. Out of our fears, demons are born they are nothing but superstitions. 

 

There is a movie called 'Little Boy', someone tells the little boy in the movie that he has the power to move land. Then this boy tries to move land all the time. One fine day there is an earthquake at the same time when he is trying to move land - the game of probability! And then everyone starts calling him a miracle, that is how superstitions are spread.

 

In India, there are many such miracle people, the babas, Maharaj or whatever you want to call them with millions of followers. People, irrespective of how much educated they are, believe in things like Maharaj and black magic. 

 

I wasn’t born with any superstitions, I don’t think any of us is, but the world makes sure that we learn them. Carl Sagan’s book The demon-haunted world helped me get rid of my superstitions and it feels quite liberated to live without any.

I wish every single person in the world reads it.

 

Cosmos 

Cosmos is a thoroughly enthralling read that takes you on a breath-taking journey from the inception of the Universe to futures that may never be and allows us to ponder what it truly means to be human and what our place, our purpose, is in the vast expanse of "this Cosmos in which we float like a mote of dust in the morning sky" I also highly recommend the show called Cosmos by Neil Degrasse Tyson, which is available on Netflix instant.

 

Pale Blue Dot 

 

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. Reading this book was the most humbling and character-building experience for me. 

 

These are my recommendations of Carl’s Sagan’s books, I hope you like them.

 

Equal treatment

My parents treated me as an equal to their sons. Since I experienced equality I know when I am not being treated as an equal. What about females who have never experienced equality? Do they accept it as a way of life? 

Perfection

Are we ourselves perfect in every particular? Doing the perfect actions, making the perfect choices? We have no reason to demand perfection of others before accepting them.

Thought of the day

1. Start exercising today, don't wait until everything is just right, things are never just right. Start and put things right as you go.
   
2. Our problems are not because of our mother, the ecology, or the president. We write our own destiny.
   
3. I learned a long time ago never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty and besides the pig likes it!
   
4. A person who doesn't read is not better off than a person who can't read ;-)
   
5. There are some who are enthusiastic, work hard, and struggle for the betterment of others. There is no politics, show-business, or any greed for awards or fame. They are devoid of any ounce of jealousy or hatred. They blossom like the wildflowers and live cheerfully. When I meet such people I feel Yes! there is a beautiful reason to live in this world.
   

Bring in the change

How do we make people treat us neither as deities nor as doormats? How do we bring about the change? Are we waiting for a savior to come and help us? Some are strong enough to raise their opinions. What about those who understand the unequal behavior but can never manage to express their expectation of being treated as an equal?

Have you heard anyone saying 'It is so nice that her husband /brother/father let her do it', I have heard it many times and I am not even talking about uneducated people, some of them happen to be from my own family. If we want to bring a change we don't even need to go out, it needs to start with our own family. Raising daughters as an equal and never asking sons 'Are you a girl to cry'!

People

While pondering over the topic of 'people' I figured out a very important thing about myself and that is: I do not like or dislike people. No really! I don't.

But I like 'me' when I am around some people, I like the way I feel around them, where I talk a lot, laugh a lot, express my inner thoughts without worrying about being observed or judged, where I am being myself without being afraid if I will be accepted or not, and then there is a bunch of people in whose company I dislike 'me', I ain't my usual self, I go quiet, I feel awkward, uncomfortable, drained, stressed, observed or judged.

As you might already know by now that I am a staunch non-believer but it doesn't bother me to be around believers, commonality is not what adds to my comfort, I can be a polar opposite from the other person and yet feel at home around them, so much so that I can express my polar opposite thoughts without having to think twice. The company I am with doesn't have to be perfect, sensible, most intelligent or awesome for me to like 'me'.

In a nutshell - I know how to ignore people's whimsies when I don't have to curb mine :-)

Do you see what I am saying? Does that happen to you? Do you like or dislike 'you' when around certain people and not necessarily like or dislike the people you are with? And but obviously, I base my relationships based on how I like 'me' with the person more than how the person is with me. I think you get the gist.

The sexist Hindu traditions

 

Thank you for your patience...

Yes, this post is about patience. Patience is a virtue... we all have been taught that, and what I have to say about it is patience sucks!

I feel I was largely a patient person in my younger days but with age what I am losing is not my hair (not yet) but my patience. You know back in the day I would watch a movie like Anjaam or Duplicate, come out of the theatre after three hours and say to my friends 'uh it was alright, do you want to go for dinner?'. That's it!

Now you dare show me an Anjaam or a Duplicate, first of all, I won't go until Anupama Chopra's review is out.. and if she has given a 4-star rating, (she gave a 3-star rating to Befikre so it has to be 4+), so never a first-day first show for me... unless it's an Amir Khan movie, and if I go to a Duplicate I will walk out of the movie in 20 minutes or maybe 10.

Now I don't read anything and everything like back in the good old day, life is too short to do that, I lose my patience instantly if I am made to read '50 shades of gray'. I also was very patient with people back in the day, now it doesn't matter to me if you are famous or rich or if we are related, I have to have my wavelength match with the person otherwise what I lose is my patience. I don't hang on to relationships anymore just because I have to.

But here is the thing, I might be impatient with loads of things around me, movies and books... they are trivial things in life after all, but with age, I have learned to use my depleted patience levels for the right things.

For example, I was an impatient person back in the day for many other things... If say you are learning to play an instrument you will know the kind of hard work and commitment it involves. I used to learn violin, and I play other instruments too but I found playing violin in particular very difficult, I used to get frustrated, every time I took a small step forward and improved, I would barely savor the achievement and would once again get upset with anything I saw as a failure. Same goes for whatever I did... But now with time, I am more patient with things that matter, I don't expect to see instant results, also I am very patient with people I love and the ones who are worth the effort.

In the past, I have attempted to learn to swim many times, and every time I gave up after a month when I didn't make progress. Before you reach conclusions let me tell you I am extremely scared of water, but now I have been going swimming for the last 2 years, I am not great at it, but I can swim a short distance in shallow water without support. Hey and that's a big deal. I didn't give up.

Now I work out every single day, I have a good diet every day, from 180 pounds to 132 pounds, it took me only 9 years, and all that patience was worth because I am able to flaunt a crop top that I always wanted to... that is as shallow as it gets.

So I say patience is not a virtue; that makes it sound easy and light. Patience is hard and it takes practice. Patience is really about having the inner strength to stick to your guns, face your fears, repeatedly let go of internal expectations, and have trust that it will all work out in the end. 

Random Thoughts

 

When the surroundings are quiet what we experience is solitude and when we feel alone even in a group of people it is loneliness.

The storage of history, numbers, science is brain and the ability to throw away negativity is knowledge.

There are some people who are so full of life that they learn/ do/ create something new every second. They never complain of not finding time because time finds them.

Best Biographies -

 

Short Book Reviews 2018.1

1. Origin - Dan Brown : Years ago I used to read books and write all the quotes that I liked from the book in my little journal, if I was doing the same till today then I would be writing a lot while reading this book. A good read. 3/5.

2. The Nest - It is an award winning book - didn't work for me. 2/5.

3. Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell - I hearby swear to never read Rowell's books again. 2/5.

4. Speak - Laurie Halse Anderson - A story of a girl who is bullied. Liked it. 3/5.

5. Twisted -Laurie Halse Anderson - Teen fiction - It was alright - 2/5.

6. The Husband's Secret - Liane Moriarty - I tried, I promise, to like Moriarty's books, truly madly guilty or be it big little lies and this was my third attempt, but I never get involved in her characters and I nor do I care the secrets that drive the plots of her books, the women characters in her books are too stereotypical (my opinion) or may be it's just that I don't like serious chick-lit even though they are bestsellers. Anywhooo, this was my last attempt at reading her books. (I loved the TV show Big Little Lies, it was short and crisp, unlike her books)  2/5.

7. Parallel Worlds - Michio Kaku - In this thrilling journey into the mysteries of our cosmos, bestselling author Michio Kaku takes us on a dizzying ride to explore black holes and time machines, multidimensional space and, most tantalizing of all, the possibility that parallel universes may lay alongside our own. 4/5.

8. Lies she told - Cate Holahan ........ 1/5

9. Don't let go - Harlan Coben ....... 2/5

10. Surprise me - Sophie Kinsella - Yawn! 1/5.

Good Movies

 

Some good movies:

1. Black Panther


2. Shape of water


3. Your name - Japanese movie


4. Newton - Hindi Movie


5. Faster Fene - Marathi movie

The Varieties of scientific experience

 

Book Review -

The Varieties of scientific experience: A personal view for the search for God - Carl Sagan

***Disclaimer - Strong opinions - ignore if you disagree... as simple as that

When I look around me I feel in awe of this advanced world. There is so much intelligence around, I feel honored to even coexist the Earth with people like Elon Musk, and then I see the over zealous, religious fools who believe in very many things, and I wonder, how can that be? How can a bunch has an evolved intellect and a bunch doesn't. Why do a bunch of people follow the thousand year old traditions/scriptures/customs/rituals/gods and superstitions without ever questioning why...

It is quite perplexing.

How can people have beliefs... if they do then what do they have the intellect for? How can people live without curiosity... how can there be agnostics... either you have faith or you don't...

How can a part of the world believe that Brahma is the creator of the world and then there is a god with an elephant head... and the rest of the world has no clue about these so called creators... if they are gods then how come they didn't make themselves be known everywhere around?

Our toes, thumbs, eyes everything is a result of evolution... so how can the deities that people worship look like us? If people can believe that god created everything... and when asked what created god their answer is god doesn't need a creator... if they can believe this then why can't they digest the idea that the universe created itself... it didn't need a creator. How can people believe that there is an entity who created everything and also answers to prayers....

Did god create man? I think it is the other way round...man created God.

Very good arguments by Carl Sagan in this book, still better books are available on this topic... like the God Delusion and for that matter all books by Richard Dawkins.

 

TV shows that I loved

 

Justice...

 

No harmony is possible unless their is justice. Bitterness and oppression can not bring peace. Be tactful, remain polite and respectful, keep your cool …. but do not accept such treatment.

Wild Wild Country

 

Wild Wild Country is a must watch documentary, it is no less than a well made thriller movie. It is based on the life of Rajnish (Osho) and is available on Netflix instant watch.

Win Hearts

 

Fear makes people try hard to win hearts, a venture that is bound to fail, because people who need to be 'won over' are never worth it.

Strong Parents

 

Strong parents have happy daughters.

Karma

 

At all times, I think about life, in moderate amounts :-). Topic on my mind today is Karma.

There are so many people in this world who are supremely talented and hardworking but never really see the fruits of their efforts. And on the other hand there are some who are not talented nor hardworking but are successful and rich and are celebrated by everyone.

There are supremely amazing, nice-at-heart people who meet with tragedies and there are toxic people whose only job is to add stress to others' lives - they live happily ever after.

There are evil, bad people around the world who are roaming free.

I wouldn't say life is unfair, but it is quite random. There is often no logical explanation for how things turn out. I often look for logic and ponder over the concept of karma to explain life. But every time I reach the same conclusion - Karma is a flop concept.

Born a crime

 

Assess your relationships

 

Assess your relationships from time to time.

Stepping on each other’s toes?  Frequently unhappy?  More and more conversations leaving a bad taste in your mouth?  Take a step back and try to be objective.

Ask yourself, Am I getting something valuable out of this relationship? Is there give and take? Am I being listened to? Do my thoughts and feelings count? Do I take the lead at least half the time? Is there an initiative from the other side - to meet, to connect, to talk? Am I respected in this relationship? Am I equal in this relationship? Am I being taken for granted? Do I get to make my own decisions about personal things that affect no one else? Do I feel supported and affirmed by the other person?

Answer the above questions honestly. Be willing to look at the truth.

Some relationships add value, some are neutral, and some only add drama/ stress/ negativity/ toxicity/ criticism. Life is too short and too beautiful to spend it around negativity, the world is full of beauty, amazing things to do, and superb people, no need to be around toxicity. Happiness is a choice and no one can make it for you, you yourself have to do it.

Do you feel you could’ve stopped some people from manipulating you sooner? Did you badly want to believe they were good?  If the truth is undesirable, that’s okay. That’s what we humans do – we make mistakes.

You can always change course and begin to work on reclaiming your happiness.

Separation

 

Distance doesn’t separate people... silence does.

My new video - 'My recommendations of mystery TV shows'

 

Catalyst

 

You know, I don't understand why married women put bindis, wear mangalsutra, change their lastnames and glorify the concept that they are married. Men don't do that. They are born a Mr. and die as a Mr.

Women are tagged as Miss or Mrs.Why???

Exist as an individual, with/without a man, you still are worthy. Customs need to change and each one of us has to become a catalyst.

Women and Reservations

Is the 30% reservation (in universities/ politics) a favor to women?

It is not.

Right to education, right to inheritance, rights to family name, right to performing the parents’ last rites, right to freedom, public spaces, traveling, right to self-reliance, right to second chances in life, remarriage, parental love, even right to be born have all been reserved for men for centuries. 

Politics, governance, and lawmaking are also reserved for men. 

Women even today, are discouraged from taking their careers too seriously, career for women is seen as an option (and Getting and Staying Married as of the goal). So the playing field is not level.

We need a society where women are valued by their families and that is not possible until they stop being ‘liabilities’ – which is not possible until they are provided equal and fair opportunities. 

Is it stupid to demand equality where physical labor is involved? A lot of women are capable of more stamina than men, but the statistics proving the contrary are larger.

 One should be paid for the amount of work done not for one’s physical strength, because no two men (or women) are equally strong, and a stronger worker may or may not work more.

Equal pay for equal work is fair. Women are generally not paid as much for the same amount of work. Even today it is believed that a man has to support his family so he should be better paid.

If a woman demands equality, she should behave exactly like a male.

Being equal means having an equal right to justice, opportunities, and happiness.

Equality does not mean some people need to behave like other people. And all men (or all women) are not alike either. Equality would mean men and women being able to be themselves – sometimes they might want to do some things that were earlier ‘reserved for men’.

Equality also means men have an equal right to enjoy cooking, caring for family, raising children, crying or dancing. It does not mean they have to behave exactly like women to be treated as equals.

Also, consider, does a Chinese, a Maharashtrian, a Malayali, a Canadian, an Ethiopian or a Goan man behave exactly alike? But everybody is and should be equal in the eyes of the law and society.

My new video blog - Books by Carlo Rovelli

 

Male Chauvinism

A friend asked me yesterday 'do you hate men?'.

I said I don't. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I love men. They are quite a fascinating species, I am a straight person so I have spent innumerable hours thinking about them. I remember my teenage years when I felt extremely curious about the opposite sex. I don't hate men. But I hate male chauvinism. And it is not just the men who are male chauvinists, many women are male chauvinists too (out of choice/ignorance), they think women are the weaker species and have to stick to duties of the gender roles, be subservient, obedient and sacrificing goddesses.

Men who are male chauvinists are idiots. Women who are male chauvinists are beyond idiots, they are the dumbest creatures I have ever met.

The stubborn one

Do you follow your conviction even if no one agreed with you? Do you have it in you to row against the ride?

If and when I am in a dilemma about life choices I ask my father's opinion - not because he is the man of the house but because he is the wisest man I have ever met. He always tells me the same thing 'ask as many as you want, hear to what they have to say but always do what your head says' - he never ever - even once - said you need to do what the elders or the experienced or the people with (so-called) authority tell you to do.

I was never told to follow

a. Customs - for example, I don't like touching people's feet (Indian custom) - I don't do it,
b. Rituals -  I am an atheist born to fervent believers, my dad never ever asked me to be part of a puja or tried to emotionally blackmail me into visiting temples or read scriptures,
c. Social etiquette - till today my mother asks me 'so and so are coming home - do you want to meet them? if not then go out and enjoy with your friends'.

I am by all means brought up with freedom of choice. And what is interesting is many women around me are brought up the exact same way. This is how today's parents are... and this is how today's daughters are brought up. And when I saw the world outside, it was a shock for me, because that is not how women are expected to be, they are expected to be obedient.

Ladies today don't let anyone walk all over them, they know what they want and what they don't want to do with their own life, they do not give in to people's idiotic expectations and nonsense objections. These kinds of women are then termed as stubborn. There are people who expect that women will behave in a certain, follow gender roles.
Anyhoo, so out of freedom of choice I had to develop an ability to analyze a situation purely on instinct and logic, without getting influenced by external factors or others' opinions. And in all honesty, it is hard to follow what your head says, because many feel they will hurt people in the process, also many feel afraid to take ownership if their decision fails.

I am fascinated by strong-willed/ and so-called stubborn people. Those who have clarity of thought and courage to follow their head (and heart!) no-matter-what the outcome is, for I believe one should only be answerable to their own conscious and be able to make decisions based on what they believe is right rather than living on borrowed thoughts and/or are too lazy to walk against the tide.
...it is a satisfying life when we know we are living on our own terms. That's how I have been brought up and that is how I aspire to continue.

My new video - tv shows I loved part 1

Not small issues

 

Sometimes I feel women are going through a lot and what I talk about on this blog are all minor issues. Women are treated badly and the examples of women's issues that you will read on this blog are not of those who are not allowed to drive or leave the house without a man by their side. Because let's be honest I don't come from that world. I am an educated person with a master's degree, I work in an IT field, I am a well-read person, I earn for myself, and most importantly I am treated as an equal in each of my relationships since childhood, and now I am at a stage in life where I don't keep the relationships in which I am not treated fair and square :-).

Most of the women that I hang out with belong to the exact same category, in fact, many of them are far more learned than me, some merit students, some earning more than what many men around me do, they are all intellectuals and yet I get to hear stories of misbehavior, gender bias and emotional torture by people - It is sad and disheartening to see this happen.

So yes, the points that I am bringing up are smaller compared to what women in the world are going through and yet I am opting to write about them because I can not sit on my arse and say 'it's okay, women are going through worse and these are just minor things'. These are not. These things are still torturous for women who live in my kind of world. They don't need to go through this hassle and emotional torture.

If you are in pain you will get to hear 'oh people go through worse, they go through cancer, brain tumor, what you are complaining about is nothing compared to that'. Well, people are going through worse but that does not take away the pain that you are experiencing at that moment. Does it? You will get a perspective about your pain but those words do not heal the pain. Similarly, women in the world are going through worse does not mean you have to keep quiet about your pain. As simple as that.