Hatred

(There are many forms of hatred... some leading up to criminal activities/terrorism... and obviously, I am not talking about such in this post, I can only talk about things that are derived from my own life).

Have you ever heard anyone say "I hate Shahrukh Khan"?.

I feel people who say that are.... very 'lucky'. Why? Because hate is a very strong word and only people who haven't experienced hate can use it so casually.

So what exactly is hate? Is it extreme dislike/ disrespect/ anger/rage - yes all of these are a part of hate but then we always have an option to avoid things that make us upset/ angry/ uncomfortable/ or feel negative, how in the world do we reach that extreme state of hatred?

Let's say, you work under a manager who micromanages/ checks/ controls every single thing that you do, who demeans/ belittles/ disrespects and gossips about you. Have you ever reported to any such manager? No? Lucky Bastard! Because I have! Let's call him Synthol. I had an instant dislike towards Synthol and so did the other team members. My rage reached hatred only because... Synthol held power. I felt helpless/ powerless and I feared losing my job (and my visa) if I rebelled.

Only helplessness, powerlessness, and fear can cause hatred - which is an extreme emotion that can cause immense rage, anger, abhorrence, abomination, mental trauma and intense levels of stress.  Unfortunately, I have experienced hatred a couple of times, I am not ashamed to admit it because hate is a justified reaction for a person tormenting us in the present, either physically or mentally, a person we are at the mercy of and either cannot free ourselves of, or at least believe that we cannot. As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome.

From my experience hate is far stronger than love, it occupies your entire headspace, it affects your sleep, health, mood, and everything in a bad way. People are wrong when they say love and hate are the sides of the same coin... they are not... they are different coins altogether.  I might have parted ways with people I loved but I have never hated them... not even in my wildest dreams... love, for some reason, stays intact. I have only hated things that I disliked, to begin with... but had no option to free myself from... or so I thought.

Just so you know I HAD NO COMPULSION TO HARM, ANYONE, BECAUSE OF MY FEELINGS OF HATRED, but there are people who do...Hatred is a dangerous curse, it can poison an organism, it is bad for our own health, peace of mind, and general wellbeing and in many cases, it leads to hurting others.

You will get to hear from people that 'we need to free ourselves of hatred as quickly as we can and for that forgive the tormentor, have some compassion, think about where does his behavior arise from....'. Have you heard that before? It's a great speech! But it is...garbage.

Religion and morality constantly prize forgiveness and suppressing our feelings as a virtue. What kind of person would I be if I could not react, temporarily at least, to injustice, presumption, evil, or arrogant idiocy with feelings of anger or rage? Would that not be an amputation of my emotional life?

I have learned to understand my feelings rather than condemn them, to regard them as friends and protectors instead of fearing them as something alien that needs to be fought against. Though our parents or teachers may have taught us to practice such self-amputation, I think we must ultimately realize that it is in fact very dangerous.

I recently read it in an article that no teacher will beat the children entrusted to his care unless he himself was beaten as a child and forced to learn to suppress his anger. He will take it out on the children in the class without knowing why he does so. I believe that awareness of this fact could save many children from exposure to such brutality. It is not our feelings that make us a danger to ourselves and our environment, it is the dissociation of those feelings caused by our fear of them.

If we hate some characteristics... let's say...hypocrisy, insincerity, male chauvinism, mendacity or anything for that matter, then we grant ourselves the right to fight them wherever we can, or to withdraw from people who show those traits. But if we pretend that we are impervious to these things, then we are betraying ourselves.

Hatred or for that matter any emotion that we go through - sadness, fear, depression, anger or anything is a logical consequence of what happened to us... it tries to tell us something about the injuries we have been subjected to, and also about ourselves, our values, our specific sensitivity. We must learn to pay heed to it and understand the message it conveys. If we can do that, we no longer need to fear hatred. I feel it is important to ask yourself whom your hatred is directed at, and recognize why it is in fact justified? Then we have a chance of living responsibly with our feelings.

Any uncomfortable emotion is trying to convey to us that something needs to change, and for that, we need to take action. In all my hatred scenarios the person did not hold any power over me, but I thought they did, it was all in my head... so what if I hated my manager?  I could have changed jobs any day and in other cases, I had the option to burn the bridges and move on but I lingered on trying to save relationships and trying to save people around me from being hurt and all that crap. I was the kind of person, who didn't want to say anything even if I experienced bad behavior, I shed tears. I no longer do that. If I ever feel suffocated with a person/ place/ object I move away from it before it turns into hatred or fear... but here is the thing, I don't forgive tormentor/ bad behavior/ cruelty with or around me, evil or bad behavior cannot be forgiven, otherwise, it prevails, now I confront people, I tell them how bad their behavior has been.

Hatred fades away with time... but the way to deal with it when one is actually subjected to it is by accepting that what you are experiencing is that feeling, and take action, make a change, confront the tormentors, you are helpless only if you believe you are...you are powerless - only if you think you are.

There are many stages in my life that I consider as 'growing up' experiences, but every time I had to take an action or make a change in my life to fix an unpleasant emotion that I was going through...are what I consider my metamorphosis... it built inner strength... because I had to push all that weight to the corner. Nothing holds power over me anymore...

So the thought of the day is: Bite your tongue next time when you say I hate Shahrukh Khan because you are not at a gunpoint to watch his movies.... you always have options.

Hatred is a feeling, albeit a very strong and assertive one, I must tell you that it is the WORST feeling that I have experienced so far. I do not want to experience hate again...ever in my life, it is a very nasty feeling and nothing in the world is worth going through it...but don't fight the feeling, fight the cause of it... head-on.

Dawkins

Since I was little I asked many questions like why is there any existence, you know life, stars, planets, universe. What is the purpose of existence? Is there even a purpose? And How does it make a difference because there is something, what if there was nothing?

 

Why do people worship these idols? How come a figure with a human body and an elephant head is a known god in the East and the West has no idea about it, if they are gods then how come they didn’t make themselves known throughout the universe? 

 

When I asked people 'if God made us then what made god', they looked at me as if I was an idiot. They told me that the creator created itself. And I wondered If something can create itself out of nothing then maybe there is a possibility that the universe could have created itself out of nothing, it is its own creator.

In my teenage years, I felt a disconnect with the world. Temples, churches, mosques, god, rituals, religions, prayers... I did not understand its necessity. And to be honest with you I felt inferior.  I felt as if I am one of these lowly creatures as I lacked the most important thing that drives the world - faith. I lacked faith and I still do. While believing strongly, without evidence, is considered a mark of madness or stupidity in any other area of our lives, faith in God still holds immense prestige in our society. Religion is the one area of our discourse where it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about. 

(before I continue here is the definition of faith - Any belief that is devoid of logic, reason, rational, evidence or witness - is called faith.)

My teenage years were a frustrating phase for me as I was forced to take part in rituals and customs that I didn’t believe in and sadly I had no courage to speak about my lack of faith.

When I was around 19-20 one of my older brother introduced me to books by Richard Dawkins, When I read them it dawned on me that I wasn’t abnormal, but it is quite normal to wonder and ponder over the various aspects of existence and moreover to question the thousands of years old belief system. Then there was no looking back for me, I read all his books, and by many other scientists. Even though we learn science in school/ college I feel I started learning science and became interested in science in its true sense when I started reading books by Dawkins. reading books related to science (and not just textbooks) makes one realize the pettiness of religions, gods, wars and all that crap.

Yes, I am an atheist, I have no religion. Did Dawkins turn me into an atheist? No! I always was a non-believer. The only difference is now I admit it openly. And I feel atheism is a person’s default state. Every single person is born an atheist, every baby you meet is a non-believer, it has no clue whatsoever about the concept of god, if it is born in Arkansas then it is taught or pressurized to believe in one thing and if it is born in Kabul then it is taught or pressurized to believe in another thing. 

Humans are the only animals with imagination, on planet Earth and the godly figures were born thousands of years ago through people’s imagination, through the stories that they told. I do not think that God created man but I believe that it is the man who created God. 

So there is a possibility that thousands of years from now people might think that Harry Potter really happened. Maybe they will build temples of Harry Potter and burn Voldemort's effigy once every year like they currently do with Ravana. 

I feel in awe of this technologically advanced world. There is so much intelligence around, I feel honored to even have coexisted the Earth with people like Dawkins and Hawking, but then I also see these overzealous, religious people who believe, follow and fight over thousands of years old traditions/scriptures/customs/rituals/gods and superstitions… Thousands of years ago humans were so primitive… all they could do was imagine and tell stories. and it really is perplexing for me to see that we still follow the customs/ rituals/ scriptures/ traditions/ superstitions/religions and gods created by these primitive people.

Don’t get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for people who are religious and so-called spiritual and in spite of that they are good humans.

I do believe that science will one day conquer all the ignorance in the world. It might not happen in our lifetime but all gods will die off one by one as their relevance outlive our evolving intellect.

 

I am sure I wasn’t the only kid who went through a frustrating phase, there are many more out there. All I can say is Encourage your kids to ask why, let them follow logic over thousands of years old beliefs, rather than trying to mold them let them just blossom, and make them learn science in its true sense.

 

And here are some great books by Richard Dawkins that I highly recommend.

 

The Selfish Gene, The God Delusion, The Blind Watchmaker, The Greatest Show on Earth, Ancestor's Tale and one of my favorite is 'the magic of reality'.