Don’t Talk To Me About Your Past

“Please, don’t talk to me about your past. I don’t care who you were or what you did. I don’t want to know who you slept with or who you loved. I don’t need to know who hurt you or disrespected you. Please, don’t tell me about your mistakes or who almost died for your love. I don’t want to know the words you didn’t say out of fear or the ones you said out of anger. I don’t need to know about the gifts that were given to you or the ones that remind you of certain places or people. As a matter of fact, I don’t want to know anything about you. I just want to know you with me. As a matter of fact, I just want you to tell me what it all means to you without telling me the reasons why. Please, don’t show me who you were, but who you are. I want you to create yourself, liberate, love, laugh, expose and be with me who you’ve always wanted to be because only then, I’ll be able to show you who I am instead of who I was and what I did.”

- José Micard Teixeira

Dress: Promod, India Also worn here

Tights: Target,

Shoes: Ellen Tracy

Sweater: J crew Factory

Top: American Eagle

Jeans: American Eagle

Sweater: J crew factory

Shoes: Vaneli

Keep that phone away

I hate it when you are having a conversation with someone and he/she is not even looking at you. This is however in a social scenario, I cannot even imagine this behavior in the professional world and business meetings. When you take out your phone during a conversation with someone it shows :

• Lack of respect. You consider the information on your phone to be more important than the conversation at hand, and you view people outside of the meeting to be more important than those sitting right in front of you.


• Lack of attention. You are unable to stay focused on one thing at a time.


• Lack of listening. You aren’t practicing active listening, so no one around you feels heard.


• Lack of power. You are like a modern-day Pavlovian dog who responds to the whims of others through the buzz of your phone.


• Lack of self-awareness: You don't understand how ridiculous your behavior looks to other people.


• Lack of social awareness: You don't understand how your behavior affects those around you.

Shoes: Steve Madden

Jeans: Abercrombie and Fitch

Top: J crew

Sweater: J crew factory

Jeans: American Eagle

Shirt: J crew Factory

Jacket: Gap

Shoes: Dsw

food

We over glamorize the food we eat. We let food define our happiness and satisfaction. Food and shopping can never be hobbies or therapies.

Oh! a birthday without a big-fat-cake is a sacrilege, holidays without non-stop sugar munching are not worth it, buffets without over-load of desserts is a waste of money - all absolute nonsense.

I am not saying that I would have a birthday without a cake or go for buffets and not have desserts ... what I am saying is that I do not obsess over it. I do not have to have it! It's like you drink water, breathe air, you eat food. It doesn't require neurotic focus or attention. While I still crave chocolates and cakes among other forms of suicidal food, I have managed to (with a lot of will power) make healthy choices, which kind of balances out my once-in-a-blue-moon acts of sin. Though I am nowhere near a perfect lifestyle, weight or health... but I am sure and consistently trying to stay on the path of attaining one, that ought to count for something, right?

Pant: American Eagle

Top: Tommy Hilfiger Factory

Jacket: Zara

Shoes: Nine West

big bad world

Fashion/ personal style blogging has become a new Vogue, a platform to try and get people to buy more, spend more, want more ... and some times it also sets unrealistic standards for women. Of course not every style blog can be categorized in the same way but it is definitely getting harder to differentiate one blog from another.

When I started this blog my biggest goal and vision was to show how many combinations can be created with just some basic stuff in the closet, and that one can be well and sensibly dressed without spending loads of time or money on it. A lot of people suggested that I should add a variety of locations and better my picture quality... sorry I can't!  I do not want to spend more than two minutes to take pictures because as I said it is not worth spending too much time on clothes :-).

I never get ready just for the heck of taking pictures, I take pictures sometimes when I get ready for office or wherever the heck I am going. Most fashion blogs show women wearing these really fancy clothes, makeup, jewelry, hairdos and wearing the new items in every post, I can't do that, or for that matter, I haven't seen any women around me dress like how they do in fashion blogs. It is simply unrealistic. I want to share only doable styles.

On this blog, you will never find one new item introduced with every post. It is just the same stuff repeating over and over again in many ways possible. Shopping was never my hobby and it never will be, if anything shopping stresses me out. I do not want to encourage mindless consumption with this blog. But I want to encourage feeling excited about even the basic clothes and colors that you have in your closet.

I do think that fashion blogging is already past its peak because every unique idea gets beaten down until it becomes mainstream. There are only so many ways in which clothes can be worn, and someone somewhere has probably already done that, so obviously I am not guaranteeing that what you see here is going to be unique because nothing is unique. You might be wearing a very similar combo as the person sitting next to you but the only differentiating factor would be your personality and the confidence with which you carry yourself.

A lot of brilliant and amazing personalities I have met have had sloppy style sense and I have also met some prim and properly dressed people who were not so nice people, so there is no association between clothes and personalities and no one is forming a judgment about you based on your clothes, the ones who do are idiots so never mind about them. On a day to day basis I hardly ever notice what others are wearing so if you ask me what were your team members wearing today then really I don't know, I wouldn't be able to tell if they wore the same thing for the whole week. I am sure most people don't notice it and what you wear is only to make yourself feel good.

All I can say is wear what you want to wear, it doesn't matter, but again wear what 'you' want to wear, like how 'you' want to see yourself and not based on someone else's idea of styling.

Look for ideas on these kinds of blogs, see how you can apply them to your existing closet and you are good to go. If you plan to get clothes and wear them how the fashion bloggers are, then you are probably going to get lost in the big bad world of mindless consumption, or at least that is what I think.

Lifestyle, health and social circles

I have had non-vegetarian and alcohol loving friends who did not associate or avoid me based on my lifestyle choices, they lived in their delirium and let me live on my own.

I have this closest friend from my college days (we were set apart by distance after college), I asked her recently if she was a vegetarian. She laughed and said she is a non-vegetarian and asked me the same question. So all these years we did not know what we chose to put in our own guts, the reason is simple because we connected on understanding, empathy, compassion, care, and love. I had like to believe that is what normal people do. So the point being I do not know the food and drink preferences of many of my close friends.

I have heard it from many people that the best of their friends started omitting them from a social scene because the ones being omitted did not drink or smoked.

One girl told me that she was avoided by girls living in her society because she didn't speak the same language as they did - of clothes, shopping, and jewelry. I can tell you for sure that this girl is highly educated, independent and more successful than the rest of her neighbors. I insisted (but to no avail) that she tells her 'society girls' that she had the biggest jewel of all times - fitness.

Another friend recently told me that he prefers to eat home-cooked fresh food every day (Kudos!) and rest of his friend circle loves to eat at restaurants every other day, he chose to let go of that group who also had started to avoid him, and he formed friendship with people who did potluck, poker, hiking, and biking, as simple as that.

Anyway, I think you get the gist of what I am trying to say - do not fall prey to bad habits (like smoking and drinking) or eat unhealthy food at the restaurants frequently or change your food preferences or change your religious beliefs or become a clothes horse - just because you want to adhere to a group of people.

This is a big problem within people living away from their own country - they try to form superficial friendships just to be able to socialize with their own kind and culture. They do not think if my wavelength matches with this group, are their lifestyle choices bothering me, am I just hanging out with them to kill time or just to get a feeling of belongingness.

Believe me, the world is full of nice people that you will stumble upon every inch, every corner and you will end up finding more wonderful and interesting people who match your psyche and respect you for who you are.

If you have had one such bad experience before then don't let it dampen your mood to have that kind of emotional involvement again, just make sure that you are accepted irrespective of the choices you make. Also, don't make lifestyle choices based on what your so-called friends are doing - don't succumb to social pressures.

Your social circle (and every relationship for that matter) has a big role to play in the lifestyle that you want life or the mental equilibrium that you need. All I can advise is to stay away from relationships that are affecting your lifestyle or physical and mental health.

(I have written about this experience in bits and pieces previously in 'the meaty story-  ').

Skirt: Chicwish

Top: White house black market

Shoes: Kelly and Katie

Random Inputs

1. Value your time. Don't confuse being as busy as being productive.


2. Pick your battles. Just because you choose to be quiet doesn't mean you are wrong. It means you are smart enough to save your energy for what matters more.


3. Don't let anyone else decide your self-worth - not social media, not your followers, friends, not your family. You decide your own self-worth.


4. Standing up for what you believe in doesn't always mean going out on a protest march. Simply continuing to live the way you want to is action enough.


5. People will continue to surprise you. Sometimes in a good way and sometimes not. Try and keep an open mind. Even with buffoons.


6. Just because someone is intelligent doesn't mean they will produce quality work and vice versa.


7. No one has it 'all' figured out, no matter how sorted they look. Everyone is just doing the best they can.


8. Let go of the fear of missing out. No one is having more fun than you are. If you are happy where you are, then that's what matters the most.

Jeans: American Eagle

Top: Old Navy

Shoes: Lifestride

Makeup tutorial

I am not a big fan of too much makeup. However, I do wear a tinge of makeup every now and then and wanted to share this 'simple, natural, no-makeup look' tutorial video -

Happiness...

Never have I seen so many young, privileged, people trying so hard to be happy. There are countless articles written about it, blogs named for it, workshops attending to it. Whoever said we’re supposed to be happy all the time, anyway? We’re not. And the pressure to do so might be what’s making us unhappy, to begin with. It’s OK if you’re not completely content with your life twenty-four hours a day. Can you imagine what a boring person you’d be if you were? Going through shit storms, feeling uninspired, hating the way you look and having guilt over not accomplishing enough are just some of the things that make you interesting, relatable and human. Not to mention, if you’re reading this, then you have internet access and if you have internet access, it stands to reason that you have a computer, which makes me think you probably have a place to live, with electricity and plenty of food to eat and clean clothes to wear, which are all things that an enormous amount of people living on the planet today do not have. This is not to say that people shouldn’t strive to better their positions in life, however, it seems like so many of us are no longer content with a regular amount of happy, yet dead-set on being maniacally jubilant, all of the time.

- Kelly Rheel

Dress: Anthropologie

Shoes: Me too

What the Health! How to stay healthy - Part 21

Years ago when I was making a desperate attempt to lose weight - my personal trainer suggested that I try the dietician at my gym, which I did, but I didn't listen to a single word that she said, all I wanted to say to her was 'shut the f*** up'.

Why?... because she herself was four times bigger than me, she barely fit in the chair that she sat on. (to think of it maybe she was experimenting what not to eat!)

The point is - In your weight loss journey you will hear advice, suggestions, opinions from loads of people - does not matter if they have a degree in diet and nutrition or are doing research - they are disqualified to give any sort of advice if they themselves are fat and unhealthy.  If you are working on your health and trying to get in shape then people around you will watch everything that you eat and have a comment on it, stop eating sugar, stop drinking milk, stop eating gluten, this - that - whatnot, some will shamelessly tell you that it is okay to consume alcohol, it is highly likely that these people themselves are in a bad shape so just tell them to 'shut the f*** up' - of course in your head.

My mantra is read books/ blogs/ and listen to people who have fit bodies - everyone else is disqualified (they are obviously free to have opinions but one should not listen to them).

The opinions expressed in this series are influenced by many 'qualified' people, they helped me on my path to health, happiness, fitness, and weight-loss - by not just words but by proving through actions.

Most of the fittest and healthiest people that at least I have seen - eat home-cooked meals every day, their portion size is smaller, they understand the difference between food and food-like products, they exercise every day and are not engrossed in any bad habits like alcohol, smoking or drugs. Before you do any crazy diet plans remember that food is not just about weight loss - it is also about health - which means having the right chemical/ hormonal/ bacteria balance/ gut health/ immunity and mental health, so diet plans might help you to lose weight but otherwise create havoc in the system.

One more thing - do not feel let down or lack of confidence or any sort of complex because of a certain body shape that you have, and understand that people who are making comments on you are not perfect either (I have expressed this experience before that a lady thrice my size laughed at me saying 'Rasika, you look too fat'. People do not realize the hypocrisy of their comments, so just let it go). Most of the people making nasty comments do NOT have sculpted bodies themselves ;-). The only thing that matters is you keep working on your health and weight without giving up.

This is the last part of the series and the last thing I want to say is - when it comes to health and fitness most important thing is continuity, one can not say I am going to exercise, think positive, eat and sleep well for the next 3 months, it has to turn into a lifestyle - it needs to become our second nature and then it will become effortless...

 

Jumpsuit : Ann Taylor Factory

Shoes: Kensie