Saturday, October 27, 2018

Different crazy

I did crazy things in school, junior/ senior college - I slept under the last bench, sometimes I left the class from the back door, went to other colleges with friends instead of attending my own lectures, I don't even remember the crap topics I discussed with friends, I was kicked out of the class many times because I talked non-stop with friends or for playing games like hangman during lectures.

I also never stood up for anything, I had no courage whatsoever - if someone said something nasty to me then I would shed some tears without saying a word to them, or when 13 reasons why happened I kept quiet without going to the authorities or speaking about it to anyone. Today I handle things differently. I am more rebellious and outspoken than the 'good old days'. I am no longer the silently-suffering-sorta-woman. I am more thick-skinned now (probably it is because of more layers of fat than thick skin so to say :-))

If I was meeting with a childhood friend, who hasn't met me in all these years, and they judge me based on my past craziness and keep talking about it - then I wouldn't really like that because it is old news, I am still crazy but in new ways. People still call me crazy when I talk about gender equality or atheism.

If I look back at my past then I do not recognize that disillusioned person anymore, I do not relate to or understand that naive person either. Today I am nothing like what I was then - dumber or wiser is irrelevant here. I see childhood friends meeting and constantly talking about their wacky childhood stories and then some also judge people based on history. People grow up, they change their plans/ opinions/ habits/ behavior.

All I want to say is - do not judge anyone based on their past - I hear Agni Sharma became Valmiki later on.

Don't get me wrong, everyone is still crazy but they are 'different crazy' if you really want to then base your judgment on their new madness!

5 combos from 2015 that did not make it to the blog at that time - 

Saturday, October 20, 2018


I appreciate a lot of different things in people, one of them is - Reliability.

I feel we need to stand by our promise/commitment. We are as good as our word. And just in case if we are not able to then, we need to inform concerned parties about the change in plans beforehand.  It is good to be considerate and also take accountability for our word. If you ask someone to meet with you at a certain time/day then it is a good habit to make a note of it in your calendar immediately, we can not tell them last minute 'oh you are waiting for me? but I left for shopping'.

I feel it is okay to say NO.  Also for the receiving party, it is easier to hear 'no' than to go through the disappointment and frustration that we will bestow upon them by saying 'yes' and then not showing up. 

Dress: Banana Republic, Jacket: J crew, Shoes: Ellen Tracy, Tights: Target

Saturday, October 13, 2018

I am unique...

You think you are beautiful, intelligent, someone with a perfect figure; family; values; principles; skills? Look closely there are a thousand others just like you. You got promoted, came first in an exam, got masters, Ph.D., you think you are the youngest achiever, you traveled the whole world, you been to the moon? Come down my friend, we know many more like you. What do you say? You are special? I don't think so, nothing that you are or do is unparalleled.

Are you too fat, too thin, hurt, going through a divorce, cheated, rejected, failed in an exam, going through cancer? Look around you will find your clones. Why me? It is just me who has to go through all this pain and suffering while life is rosy for everyone else. You are not the only one who is feeling that way. Wake up! Your victim consciousness, shame, embarrassment, shyness, desires, dreams, expectations, aspirations, pain nothing is uncommon.

These females carry off the short skirts high heels so well. I am one of a kind. Huh! Get over with it already. Observe, take a walk on the street, you will find a hundred others wearing glasses, jeans, and sneakers. Oh yes, many more women prefer books to jewelry. Your opinions, perspective, habits, inferiority complex, your strive to be different than the others are nothing but common.

We all go through the same feelings sadness, happiness, jealousy, dejection, fear, love. There is no feeling that you alone have experienced. Is there anything in you or me that nobody else has? Not really, at any given point of time, there are thousands just like us - on this planet and maybe many other planets.

You are a drop of water in this big ocean, just like others. Everyone has to face death, none is immortal. I am not dreaming, I am unique as much as this thought is!!!

(Went overboard with photos today)

Dress: Banana Republic, Tights: DSW, Shoes: Steve Madden, Sweater: J Crew Factory

Saturday, October 6, 2018


Cricket and Bollywood are two big things that drive India. I have seen most of the Bollywood movies made right from the 1950s to 2005. It didn’t matter to me if the movie was a flop or hit, I watched it either way. The world of cinema has always mesmerized me. Introduction to Hollywood and world cinema made me realize the depth, flamboyance, and beauty of this art form in a true sense.

Born in a middle-class family, brought up in small villages and towns, lack of understanding of English - I belonged to the majority of Indian population who do not know movies like Matrix, Children of Heaven, Schindler’s List or Elling are being made. Would I have liked or grasped if something like that was shown to me in Hindi? Of course yes!

Getting work in Bollywood if you have some association is a problem with the industry. It is a shame for Indian art and artists to see movies like ‘Desi Boyz’ getting produced just because of connection. The ugly inbreeding of talent leads to creative bankruptcy. Hopefully, movies like ‘Vicky Donor’ are setting a good example. If nepotism continues we will have to settle for the mediocre actors, we will never find the next batch of Amitabh Bachchan, Shahrukh Khan, Sridevi, Juhi or Madhuri Dixit.

Keep your brains at home and then watch the movie’, ‘this movie is made for the masses and not the classes’ are the taglines by many Bollywood filmmakers. I don’t understand how to do that. Are they implying they kept their brains at home while making the movie?

Being part of an unknown world that someone has weaved with their vast imagination is fascinating. As a storyteller what is needed is the conviction with which they tell a story. They could be showing something completely illogical, unfathomable, unrealistic; it doesn’t matter as long as the audience is convinced by the concept so much so that for the duration of the film they find it the reality (e.g. ‘Lucia’ - a Malayalam film). As a viewer a lot of Bollywood films leave me unconvinced, an example would be ‘My name is Khan’.

No strong storyline is a problem with many films, a look at ‘Kahaani’ would be a good idea for the makers.

As a woman, I feel embarrassed to see the scarcity of clothes in movies and find the item numbers derogatory for the womankind. I have never known women who wear skimpy vulgar clothes and dance around a thousand drunk men on some item numbers, have you? Maybe the filmmakers have their mothers, sisters, wives working in this kind of a business, how else would one fathom to show women in such light?

Women characters appear in four categories in Bollywood movies - one is the vulgar character mentioned above, second is the subservient character - an example would be Jaya Bhaduri's character in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham -  a pativrata nari - the one who doesn't have her own mind but follows the husband blindly. The third is a damsel in distress - for example, Juhi Chawla in movie Darr, how many of you ladies have had a stalker before? I bet most of you will raise your hand. Stalkers are just a bunch of weird creepy people who are very weak to approach the lady in a dignified manner, they are too scared to get rejected, so how weak are you if you can not confront a weak stalker? Juhi's stalker was an extreme case, but if you notice then all she does is screams... without springing into action even once. And the fourth category is the motherly, caring, nurturing, sacrificing goddesses. Rajshris always show women in this light - look at the main female character in Hum Aapke Hain Kaun - a medical student dancing around the whole time... when does she study? When does she work on her career? And when her sister dies she is ready to get married to her brother in law - who also is her lover's brother - I mean WTF!

The women that at least I have seen around me are Pikus and Bareily ki Barfis. They are bold and I mean they are not roaming around in bikinis, but they are courageous, ambitious, independent, and modern.

I fail to understand the impact of certain ‘stars’ on the junta. Do they really like them or they are not getting anything better? Why do they copy Hollywood movies? Why not just dub the original and release the masterpieces? A new quandary that has hit Bollywood is making remakes of old Hindi films. Why would someone want to remake the classic ‘Umrao Jaan’? What a blasphemy! Where are filmmakers like Shyam Benegal? Where is originality? I hope things improve and we get to watch great cinema in this lifetime.

I might watch movies in 100 other languages but the kind of instant cultural and emotional connection that I feel with Bollywood is unequaled. I long to see the colors, songs, and beatific dances, it gives Bollywood a unique flavor. I complain about the senseless stories; Bollywood stars, their overacting all the time but ironically on a rainy, sick, lonely, depressing day a dose of ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge’ is what I yearn for the most, it cheers me up, makes me feel nostalgic. There is no denying, I am a Bollywood child and hopefully, it will be more nurturing :-)

Dress: Promod, Tights: DSW, Shoes: Vaneli, Sweater: Modcloth, Scarf: Target